So it seems that some of the big swinging dickheads down at Head Office have been getting their knickers in a twist at the lack of penetration in the eighteen to twenty-four demographic, which they’d know was bugger-shite if they spent as much time in their local park as I do because there’s plenty of penetrating going on down there I can tell you. And some smegma-breathed, cunt-bitch (and yes, I am looking at you Janine) suggested that one way of engaging with this loser bunch of narcissistic, self-absorbed, whining, teen-saddos was to run a special ‘back to college’ edition of the incredibly wonderful, empathetic, world-famous, ‘Dear Cum’ column. Now I’m not one to complain, but let’s be honest, don’t I have enough on my plate with answering the proper, important, life-affecting letters I receive from contributing, well-adjusted, nice, middle-class saddos without having to listen to the interminable cry-babying of a bunch of ‘I’m so misunderstood and nobody has ever suffered the way I’m suffering’, self-entitled, ‘the world revolves around me’, freeloading, teen-twats. It may not be for me to question the decision making of the senior management who are in charge of running bahis şirketleri this shit show, but have none of them ever heard of the Internet or Snapchat or Tik Tok or OnlyFans? What next? Are they going to expect me to host my own MySpace page? Fuckwits.But, it’s not the teen-twats fault that I’m contractually obliged to answer their dumb, puerile, bleatings. So, I shall put all that to one side, fix a welcoming smile across my lips, allow my eyes to sparkle with concern and kindheartedness, and prepare to shower them with my incomparable pearls of wisdom. And on that clearly fraudulent thought, it might be best if we went ‘to the letter’. Yo Cums HoI am writing you. My name is Barry and I need your help with some things. Like important things, like. I don’t really write lot but I will try my best and use all the words I know.I am 18 and in love. The girl I love is Lydia. We both went to Alf Garnett Cademy in East London. She is beautiful and brainy and she has a smile and tits. She is also very sweet and lovely and knows science. Her arse is great two. We used to hang out in my car under the stars and the moon and she would suck me off. She has nice lips and her mouth bahis firmaları is wet and warm. She told me we were meant two bees. She didn’t say what we were meant two bees, but it must be something good if she said it.The problem Cums Ho is that Lydia went off to Uni in Edinburrow, which is in Whales. I’m not big into jography but its long way. I’m not big into any subjects really, though Lydia used to read her science revision books to me while she wanked me in her bedroom so I like science. She’s got very soft hands and little slender fingers that just about go around and she goes up and down really nice and slow. And sometimes she’d suck out all the cream. She is really nice like that. My mum talked the school principal into letting me stay and do my A-levels. She talked to him a whole lot, so much that dad got mad because he says she hasn’t talked to him that much in years or maybe ever. Anyway all those endless hours of shouting dirty things at each other and banging the desk in his office over and over after school worked. I’m not a good student but I’m good at sports though and that’s what Lydia noticed. She likes to feel all my bulges, especially my MAJOR bulge Lydia kaçak bahis siteleri liked that a LOT. I’m sure you know which one I mean, Mrs Cums Bwitch, wink wink nuff said. I was talking about my cock in that last bit. Lydia likes my cock lots and lots. So the point is that me and Lydia made a promise to each other to be together forever and never to part, but she’s in Edinborrow and I’m here starting my career in McDonald’s, obvs. Soz, I keep getting grease on the screen from the fryer. I hope you can read it. I know it’s true love and that she won’t be interested in all the horny guys at uni just because their/there/they’re there/they’re/their and I’m here. Even though she hasn’t been in touch or answered any Skype messages in three days. She’s just busy studying, see, cos she’s smart. So am I but I’m the business world kind of smart, keeping track of who wants fries with that, who wants to ‘Go Large’, and who wants a Coke or a Sprite or a milkshake or a water or an orange juice, which is hard.I think maybe I need to learn some sexy games to play with her, like I can wank on screen and be sure to wipe it off afterwards and she can show me her arse and other romantic stuff. You know, send her pictures of me in my work uniform with my cock out and maybe stick it in a McFlurry. Do you think that’s a good plans Mrs Cums Cunt? What else do you think I can do to keep our love alive?Ehhhhhhhh,Barry Botkin.