On waking, my mind immediately replayed the events of last night. I realised that I had redefined so much about our lives. I had shifted, maybe under the logic of events, maybe through the process of maturing, perhaps under the impress of both, away from the idea that there were individual train lines one could follow.
I loved Emma not one iota the less because I loved AK. I was sure it was the same for AK. She and Keith had been comfortable with our arrangement, and the only reason Keith was not added to it was my own discomfort. That seemed (or was I being selfish) to be key to everything. Whatever we did had to be not only acceptable to the three of us, but to cause none of us any discomfort.
How, I wondered, would I feel if Keith wanted to be with Emma and AK, and they were both comfortable with the idea? I was not sure. But if I applied my own rule of thumb – about discomfort, as long as the three of them were comfortable with it, it would, I realised suddenly, be fine by me. I lacked something, I realised; call it the jealousy gene.
Emma stirred next to me, opening her sleepy eyes.
“Did that really happen, darling?”
“What, you and AK making love?”
She blushed prettily.
“It did.”
“Oh Pixie! Are you upset?”
I laughed and kissed her.
“No.” And I then explained my thinking.
She looked at me.
“Did I hear that aright?”
“You did.”
“Are you sure?”
Emma looked carefully at me, as though scrutinising my expression.
“Yes.”
“Can I make a confession?”
“Do, Vicar,” I giggled.
“I do miss that – what a man can bring to the party. Do you suppose AK and Keith would, erm, be interested?”
“Put it this way, darling, AK suggested I might join them – which I won’t. But if they want you to, and you want to, I have only one condition, well, maybe two.”
“What?” Emma asked, clearly intrigued.
“That I am not there, and that if he cums in you unprotected, I be excused the clean up!”
She laughed.
“Granted my darling! Shall we get up and face the day, you clever thing?”
We did.
AK was busy feeding Issy, who had decided that the best thing to do with her yoghurt was to decorate her face and the tray of her highchair.
I could see from the look on AK’s face that she was anxious, so I reassured her at once.
“There’s only one question following last night, darling.”
I could Emma begin to blush. AK looked puzzled.
“Emma was wondering about whether you and Keith would want her to join you?”
AK’s face lit up.
“You really are a lil perv, Squirt.”
“Auntie Pix, feed Issy!”
Distracted by the darling toddler, I did that, while AK poured me some coffee, and discussed what I had just said with Emma.
“Emma, I’d love it, and doubt Keith would mind, he’s a bloke, and you are pretty hot.”
“You don’t mind?”
“Nope, as long as Squirt is okay with it.”
And that, as it turned out was that. Keith confirmed, with an emoji of a surprised face, that he would be more than happy with a threesome with Emma.
After Emma had gone back to college and we had taken Issy to playgroup, AK and I went for a coffee in St Giles.
“What’s come over you, Squirt?”
I explained my thoughts to her.
“It makes sense, Squirt.”
“The key,” I added, “is the idea of what is natural. Men and women coupling is natural, and everyone acknowledges that. Most women we know have a bit of bi in them, so that seems pretty natural; that is less commonly acknowledged, largely because society disapproves of gay sex. Infidelity is natural, and society condemns it because it loosens the ties of marriage which have been its building blocks. So, saying that lesbian sex, or threesomes are not natural is rubbish. What matters is whether we hurt another.”
“My God, Squirt, you have turned into a philosopher!”
I smiled.
“I am off to see Mama and Gran on Saturday, and I have been thinking through what contribution I can make to the Commission. I think I am going along those lines – sorry for inflicting it on you!”
“No point in having a brain box for a girlfriend if she can’t try out her ideas on you. The problem, Squirt, is I agree.”
“No,” I smiled, “the problem is so many won’t!”
“True, oh sage,” she laughed.
I tried the same line with Footy, who to my utter surprise and great delight, agreed. Usually, she could be relied on to find the weak points in any argument.
“The fact is Pixie, that a fuck of a lot of what is ‘natural’ is condemned. The problem with the liberal line, that we are born free and everywhere in chains, is that the moment anyone frees us, we find more chains, either to bind ourselves, or others.”
“Careful, Footy, that’s awfully like a definition of Original Sin!”
“Bugger, mersin escort you are getting to me little one! Now, let’s change the topic!”
We talked a lot about my doctorate. I was determined to finish it in three years, even though, as Footy said everyone took at least five. We scoped out how I would approach widening the “Junia” research into a thesis on female apostles, until Footy was happy to give me a green light. In many ways, what ought, by rights, to have been the hardest bit of the next three years, weighed the lightest on me. I knew what I wanted to do, I had already embarked on the journey, and with Footy (and others) questioning me every inch of the way) I was set on my course. I found things that surprised me, and some of my initial ideas turned out to be wrong, or in need of revision; but that was why scholarship delighted and delights me.
My plans for Emma to come with me for the weekend at Mama’s were foiled by her coming down with a ghastly summer cold, but with Issy happy to stay with Lady F and cheer Emma up, AK offered to come with me. She and Mama had always hit it off, and I wanted her to meet Gran – just to show her that not all Tories were ogres.
The house was a Palladian mansion, which Gran had spent a small fortune restoring. The staff showed us to our room – which was interesting, as I had wondered whether we would have a room each.
“I say, Squirt, your Mama has landed on her feet. This is quite a step up from the Old Rectory.”
“It is my darling. Well, let’s get down, that butler said he was sending a message to Gran that we were here.”
We were escorted to the conservatory, which offered a splendid view across the Capability Brown gardens. A maid brought us some coffee, and we relaxed out on the terrace.
“Pixie, and this must be the famous AK!”
Gran strode in in full country tweeds. Tall, and distinguished-looking as he was, I saw AK’s eyes light up; she had an eye for male beauty.
“And you,” she said, stepping forward to accept his kiss on both cheeks, “must be the sole decent Tory in creation!”
“How kind!” He joked back. “Maybe my bite is worse than my bark! Pixie, your Mama is on her way, she just needed to freshen up, we were out at the lake watching them restocking it.”
This was just the sort of country idyll that Mama has always craved. She arrived a few moments later looking radiant; life with Gran suited her.
“Pixie, darling!” And then she hugged me. “AK, how wonderful to see you. How is that cute little thing of yours?”
“Well,” she giggled, “as you can see, Squirt is fine. Issy is looking after Aunty Emm, as she calls her.”
My mother laughed.
“You don’t change, bless you. Don’t ever change AK, you are such a breath of fresh air!”
After coffee, Gran escorted us round the grounds, rightly proud of what he had managed to do with the house and gardens.
The weekend was a success, but, as I had expected, there was more to it than just a mother and daughter bonding session.
After dinner, Gran asked if AK and Mama would mind if he sequestered me?
“As long as we have the best brandy, no!” AK responded, going with Mama into the drawing room. I went with Gran to his study, a wonderful book-line room. I don’t do jealousy in relationships – studies, not so much!
“I want to talk about the Commission, Pixie. Brandy?”
“No thanks, Gran, can I have some water?”
“Of course,” he said, pouring me some mineral water.
He explained to me that the whole Commission project was one which was fraught with difficulties, which was one reason it had not yet met.
“What I tell you is confidential, Pixie, but you have shown you can be trusted. Should this get out, it would get back to me, and that would be bad.”
“As you say, Gran, I am the soul of discretion.”
He explained that the Archbishops of Canterbury and York had agreed to it only because it had been made clear to them that the Government would go ahead with it regardless. But their view had, he said, been shown by their insistence that the diversity agenda demanded that there should be representatives from the Anglican churches in Ghana, Nigeria, and India.
“That, Pixie, is a solid block against any movement in the direction we both want. Those names have not yet been announced, but they will be on Monday. Along with them, they have also insisted that the Roman Catholics and the Orthodox should have a member each. You see where this is going?”
“So, a PR exercise to show they are ‘listening’, but which will go precisely nowhere. Who is on our side?”
Gran named to senior academic theologians, one of whom was, I knew, sympathetic to our side. The other was a scholar of great repute, but I had no idea what, if any, views he had on the matter.
“There mersin escort bayan will be three other younger representatives, Pixie, but at least one of them is an ardent evangelical who took Bartlett’s side in the bust up last year. You have a couple of Canons, one of whom I think you know.”
I did indeed, Paula had been my replacement tutor when Bartlett dropped out.
“I had hoped we might be able to make progress via the Synod, but to do that requires a report which allows the chance so to do. I am not sure this lot will give us that.”
“How long do we have?”
“That’s the other thing, the PM wants it done and dusted within the year, after that, the parliamentary timetable becomes troublesome. Welcome to politics, Pixie!”
I knew there was a reason I disliked politics; I was beginning to realise that the institutional church was not far behind them in my holding a low opinion.
“Sorry to depress you, but I thought you needed to know.”
“It’s okay Gran, I am learning that just having a good argument is not always enough.”
“Sometimes, Pixie, it is a provocation to those who do not have one. Power dislikes change, Pixie. Just take care. I am almost sorry I got you into this.”
“It’s fine, Gran, but could I ask a favour?”
“Anything.”
“Could you try to get Paula and those others sympathetic to our cause here for a weekend to discuss tactics?”
“Here might be difficult, Pixie, I can’t be seen to take sides.”
“Would there be an objection they were be invited to a symposium at my new college by, say, Footy?”
“I can’t see a problem with that!”
And so that was where, with Footy’s help, we went.
I retired for the night rather gloom filled. AK noticed.
She was sitting up in bed scrolling through messages from Keith.
“You look like you swallowed a prune, Squirt!”
As I undressed, I told her about my chat.
“Did you expect it to be easy, Squirt? It’s probably why Gran wanted you there. By the way, isn’t he a silver fox?”
“AK, he is married to my Mama.”
“Oh, I know, only joking. That would fall foul of the Squirt rule of never causing hurt to another. I doubt your Mama or Keith would be pleased. That’s a nice nightie, Squirt, but I am not sure how long you are going to be in it. Take it off again, let me look at your delicious body.”
Taking it off, and standing, naked, before her, I smiled:
“Now who is the perv?”
She giggled.
“Don’t know yourself Squirt, I love those titlets, not to mention your cute arse. Come and make love to your AK!”
So saying, she slipped out of her nightie. I went for her breasts as iron filings to a magnet. They had always been my delight, but their increase in size to 36DD made them even more so. Snuggling under the duvet, my body against her warm body, I nuzzled gently against her breasts, massaging them, and letting my hands give full appreciation to their beauty. I loved the contrast between the soft, yielding flesh of her breasts and the hardening of her nipples. She looked at me:
“You are such a tit girl, Squirt!”
“Comes from having nothing much there!”
“Love your beestings, Squirt,” she said, as her hand found my left breast and began to tease my nipple.
The Hoff and Hols breast-appreciation society was clearly well in session. I lavished kisses and licks on her breasts, while she pulled at my nipples, making me moan loudly.
“AK, you know what that does to me!”
“Why do you think I’, doing it?”
I stopped any further talk by sucking harder on her nipples.
“Fuck, fuck, Squirt, harder, harder!”
As I sucked harder, her milk began to flow.
I had noticed her other hand had gone to her pussy, and as the milk began to squirt into my eager mouth, she rubbed harder, moaning loudly.
“Yes, yes, yes!”
And as I suckled her, she came, shuddering as she brought herself to orgasm. I carried on sucking, moving to her left breast, cupping it, and licking before sucking until it, too, yielded its milk to me.
As I suckled, she stroked my hair.
“Oh, Squirt, sorry, I just had to cum. There are times a girl can’t wait!”
Looking up, her milk dribbling from my lips, I smiled:
“Are there times when you do wait then, AK?”
“Beast!” She said, pushing my face into her breast. As I sucked her nipple out, she moaned, a long, low, throaty sound, which sent shivers through me.
This time I was not letting her anticipate her orgasm, getting my right hand to her wetness. I found her entrance and slid two fingers in, wriggling as they passed her lips, my hand pressing against her clit and making her groan. Rhythmically, I pulse sucked her nipple while finger-fucking her in time with my suckling. She was lost, surrendering to my ministrations.
One escort mersin of my many oddities is that, much as I enjoy receiving the attentions of AK and Emma, I get even more out of pleasuring them.
As I shamelessly plundered her wetness, the sounds AK made, the feel of her against my fingers, and her scent were, I noticed, getting me close to orgasm. I squeezed my legs together, then parted my thighs, adjusting myself so I could ride her thigh while taking her hard. For a moment I lost her breast, but once I had in back in my mouth, I sucked as hard as I could, propelled by my own rising orgasm.
AK looked at me, our eyes locked.
“Fuck, Squirt! Cum with me!”
And I did, dribbling her milk as I threw my head back in ecstasy, her pussy clenching my fingers. For a moment we were as one, lost in the mutual ecstasy.
My fingers slowly slide out, I looked in her eyes, my lips still milk stained. She kissed me, tasting her own milk. I manoeuvred so we could snuggle up. I needed a post-orgasm snuggle so badly.
We slept soundly that night.
As ever, I was awake early. I showered and dressed, wanting to catch the Prayer Book Morning Prayer at the Church across from the Manor House.
I went to grab a quick coffee, only to find Gran had made a pot.
“You joining me, Pixie?”
“I am. I didn’t know?”
“I am not, well, not much. If I am anything, I am a bad Christian, but a cultural Anglican, and I love Cranmer’s language.”
I was not going to ask about the affair with Mama, that, presumably, came under the heading of “bad Christian,” and after what AK and I had been up to, it would have felt a little hypocritical.
The Church was a gem, which had somehow (one presumes the patron of the living) missed out on the nineteenth century passion for erasing the past in favour of a neo-gothic restoration, and one could even see traces of the medieval wall-paintings.
The congregation was, as it tends to be at 8 o’clock, sparse and elderly. I must have been the youngest there by about thirty years. But none of that mattered as the vicar began. Cranmer’s timeless words soothed, and then in the general confession, challenged and disturbed.
“We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts:” yes, guilty as charged; “we have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep;” I had; “and there is no health in us.” It could feel that way, and then came the uplift”
“But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us, miserable offenders. Spare thou them, O God, which confess their faults. Restore thou them that are penitent; according to thy promises declared unto mankind in Christ Jesu our Lord.”
And there it was, at least for me – the balm.
Lost in the words, absorbed in contemplation of the Infinite, I lost count of time. As Gran tapped my shoulder, I turned and smiled.
“You were miles away, Pixie.”
“No, I was where I was meant to be, Gran.”
He introduced me to the vicar, who I thought was rather cool in his welcome. It transpired he knew who I was and was not in sympathy with my views. But as Gran told me on the way back, I’d better get used to that.
AK and Mama were just about breakfasting when we got back, which allowed us, rather Hobbit-like, to have a second breakfast. Mama was offering AK advice about her wedding, which was to be an early autumn affair, which was the first convenient time when Keith was back. After a good lunch, AK and I took our leave – with yet another hug from Mama for me.
“She’s mellowed,” was AK’s response, as we hit the road to get back to Oxford in time for a later supper. “I think she’s quite proud of you.”
“Thanks, darling. For sure it is better than it was.”
She asked what Gran and I had been discussing, and I outlined it for her.
“Sounds pretty hopeless, my love.”
“Not sounding good, I’ll admit that” I laughed. “But if we don’t try, we will certainly get nowhere.”
“I just don’t want you getting hurt, darling Squirt,” she said, kindly. I was moved.
For the rest of the journey we discussed the wedding. Keith’s father had died some years before, but her mother was going to come to the wedding, as were his two brothers.
“Will you be my bridesmaid, along with Chloe, darling?”
I agreed.
“Naturally, I’d have been upset not to be.”
“I just hope I have better luck this time, Squirt, He’ll make a lovely daddy for Issy, they get on so well.”
The roads were surprisingly empty for a Sunday afternoon in late July. After parking we went to the house.
Letting ourselves in, we were met by an excited Issy.
“Auntie Emm gone hopital.”
I checked my phone, which I had switched off before Church. There were five missed calls, plus a voicemail.
Just as I was about to listen, Lady F came in.
“Emma has just been rushed to the John Radcliffe. They don’t know what it is, but she collapsed about two hours ago. I did try ringing.”
With that, I did not bother to take my hat and coat off, I headed straight for the hospital.