Lonnie 02
“Lonnie, it seems that you’ve…”
“Jason, it seems that I’ve done what then, hmm? Does it seem like I’m stretching the living daylights out of the seams of my new ankle jeans? Does it seem that I’ve finally joined the ranks of people who have who have sexual encounters all the time? Well, does it seem like I’ve changed the middle split in my bangs then, I mean, Jason, just what does it seem like I’ve done now, huh? Speak up, Jason!”
“Oh, Lonnie, I was just going to say that you have been instrumental in creating the state championship female archery team, that’s all. And you also seem to have gone out of your way to outfit them in very nice white pleated short skirts and the visible undies with the bullseyes on the rear are pretty much to die for, so?”
“Oh, well, they are good at what they do and they all have very nice bodies and it’s only an illusion that Mimi’s skirt seems to be two fingers shorter than the others, so? And they deserved the championship either way, so.”
“Tee he and it didn’t hurt that the crazy bird girl, Peacock Penny, ran around the gallery area squawking about her babies and ripped all the feathers off of the competitions arrows, tee he.”
“Well, Peacock Penny will make for a good mother someday anyways, so?”
“So, getting back on track, Lonnie, I mean, are those new jeans then, hmm?”
“Oh, yes, they are new and thank you for noticing, Jason. I never really tried on full length ankle jeans before, but these seem to fit me and they feel good on me, so, thanks. Wait a minute, are you implying that my…”
“No, no, no, your butt looks fine in them, Lonnie! More than fine, in fact.”
“Hmm, just how in fact then, Jason, hmm?”
“Oh, the way you look in them is in fact fine enough so that I wouldn’t be mad if I was kicked back on your bed with a beer and a sandwich while watching you peeling them down and off, Lonnie, so?”
Well, wait folks, with a beer and a sandwich? On my bed? What the hell?
“Well, I have many more options now, Jason and I’m getting more and more popular these days since I personally brought together the “Arrows with Curves” championship archery squad, so, although I’m not mad that I appeal to you, I don’t see a situation where you are kicked back on my bed in just your boxers with a beer in one hand and a sandwich in the other hand while you watch me wiggle out of these jeans for you, so? Or as the queer one, am I supposed to just submit, hmm?”
“Oh, Lonnie, that’s your job, isn’t it? Providing me a beer and sandwich while I kick back and bark orders at you for how to strip for me and which way to face while you’re stripping naked for me, right? You will submit to me and obey, fem boy, I’m Jason!”
[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]
Aww, Jason looks so cute running away up the Strip like that to dodge getting hit by the arrows from the “Arrows with Curves squad across the Strip, tee he. I submit to nobody!
But I liked how my butt may have an appeal to him. You know, in my seemingly stretched to the limit new jeans!
Oh, and the modesty undies that the ladies elected to round out their new archery competition outfits, well, a bullseye target was their choice and I may or may not have suggested a flaming arrow on the front.
[Smoothie Shop flings open from the inside]
“Damn it, Lonnie, I’ve told ten times to stop rejecting your boyfriends in front of my Smoothie shop! Look at all these arrowhead holes in the facing of my store from the “Arrows with Curves squad who has your back now! Oh, hey ladies across the Strip, you’re looking good and your poses are to die for! Now, Lonnie, take a fulltime boyfriend or move to another location!”
“Well, Karla, this is my spot!”
“Well, I’ve been trying to hint to you, Lonnie, that my step brother, Wayne, has an interest in being your fulltime boyfriend, if it’s true that you are a four minus! Also, my step brother, Wayne, has authorized me to verify your size personally with my mouth near the rear door of the shop, sexy!”
[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]
“Well, he’s actually cuter now, girls, and all four of you “archery hotties” with a strung bow have half of the men on the Strip all strung out now!”
[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]
Wait for it because deep down, Mimi really does love me back!
[Whoosh, tang]
“Fine, I’ll get you a Smoothie, Lonnie and then you know, duck behind my counter when literally any random guy comes by and hits on you!”
[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]
“OMG! Fine! Four Smoothies for the other side of the Strip too!”
[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]
“OMFG! Four low fat, low sugar Smoothies so I don’t upset your perfect bodies that fit perfectly in your damn short archery competition skirts with 10% of your cheeks hanging out then! Sheesh! I can rent out my store front as an arrow climbing gym!”
Well, everybody got the Smoothie that they wanted, so. And Karla çorum escort isn’t desperate. She’s just horny. Wait, that doesn’t sound good for me, so…
“Lonnie, Lonnie, Lonnie, look at all…”
“Sam, look at all that what, Sam, huh? Look at how my butt seems to be pressure cooking the seams of these new jeans? Look at my rear reflection in the Smoothie Shop windows? I mean, can’t you just look at me from the angle that I have a silhouette, which might not be all that bad for a guy like me? I mean, look at all that what then, Sam, huh?”
“Well, actually, Lonnie, I was going to say look at all those idiots climbing the face of the Smoothie Shop by sunken arrow, although, erm, so, is that how Karla is supposed to attach the safety ropes then, hmm? I mean, things look a little desperate for her with how she is, holy wrap the safety rope tight!”
Well, it was her Smoothie Shop, so she could wrap, tighten, rewrap, retighten the ropes around the crotches of the guys any how she wanted, so.
“But listen, Lonnie, since you brought up your butt, I could totally see myself relaxing back in your bed with a beer and a cheeseburger while enjoying the moment, so?”
I mean, at least the Burnt Burger sells their cheeseburgers in pairs because that’s about how long it was going to take me to peel off my ankle jeans! But I could do something with Sam someday, maybe.
“Well, Sam, are you being serious or is this just silly Strip flirting then, hmm?”
“Oh, I’m serious and your bed is big enough for two, right, Lonnie?”
Seriously, how is that a question back then folks, hmm?
“Well, Sam, I have a couple of commitments tonight, so, I mean, Karla is a little worked up tonight and my money would be on that she might suck one of your balls right through that vein in your dick, so?”
“Ouch!”
“Oh, yeah, right, I just heard it, Sam. Anyways, I need a little privacy right now, so, well, go offer to take out the trash from the Smoothie Shop and well, hope for the best!”
Ah, nope, I don’t know where that stupid statement came from, especially since it would be such an ouch! But I spied a certain set of yellow driving lights making their way up the Strip and although it’s never a good idea to get into a running car, it’s hard to pass up the hooker stance of leaning into the window while carrying on a conversation. Even at the risk of popping more seam threads from leaning over!
[Beep, beep, beep]
[Aww, it’s taking too long to strike just the right hooker proposition leaning pose! Get with it!]
“Lon, Lon, Lon…”
“Hush, David, you pushed forward and I pushed back, so?”
“But, but, but…”
“David, I only reached back to make an adjustment!”
“I mean, I mean, I mean…”
“Fine, David, I should have chosen another word. I only meant that a pencil dick would fit in me!”
“So, so, so…”
“Yes, David, we hot dogged. Or you hot dogged me. Either way, I’m not exactly sure of the definition.”
“But my, but my, but my…”
“Oh, guys make a slimy mess and that’s the way that works.”
“Oh, when, when, when…”
“Oh, you liked it when I tasted you from the tip of my finger as I wiped it up alright, David!”
“Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but…”
“Meh. Call it a fag moment if you want, I just call it a moment. And a great hot dogging!”
“Well, well, well…”
“Oh, send me the invite so I can put your party on my calendar and I’ll do my best to attend, David.”
“Then, then, then…”
“Oh, well, don’t introduce me as your partner, David, but I’ll play nice, so?”
“Um, bye, bye, bye.”
I mean, the other rule is to never lean into the driver’s side window for fear of being snatched or smacked, but since I knew David for a while, I walked around to his side of his car.
[Mwah, ummah, smack]
“The truth is that I know you were trying to sink your hot dog inside of me, David.”
“And, and, and…”
“You should have tried harder! We were in a moment! And we were both naked!”
[Mwah, ummah, smack]
“You, you, you…”
“Ugh, well, you should have pushed my head down, David! I knew no more than you did, you know!”
[Mwah, reach, smooch, grope, ummah, grope, smack, squeeze]
“Tee he, tee he, tee he…”
“Well then, you’ve grown just like my butt has grown then, David!”
[Vroom, a tall van vrooms up the Strip]
“Oops, my next commitment coming, David, so beep your horn at me when you pull away and erm, water, David, I see us with some water next time, so?”
“Wet, wet, wet…”
“Well, not in the Middleton River, but maybe some splashes in some places. Beep me, David.”
[Beep, beep, beep]
[Vroom, tall van pulls up and parks]
“Hi, Gale Storms from TV3 News, coming to you live from the Middleton Strip where we hope to get a few statements from the state championship Right-Handed and Left-Handed combination archery team, the now famous and very beautiful “Arrows with Curves” squad and since they have had so much national TV exposure, which çukurambar escort is just slightly more than how much their pleated short skirts expose, well, Maddy, Maddy, Maddy, every man in town wants a wife named Maddy, so, tell my viewers, Maddy, is it true that you that you shoot every competition in a Peek A Boo bra with arrowheads wire tied around your nipples and dangling all around, I mean, Maddy, Maddy, Maddy, who is wrapping these wire tied arrowheads around your nipples and making sure that they dangle perfectly as you pull back your bow and aim and are you open to meeting literally any man in Middleton, go ahead, sweetie.”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, Lonnie is not only our sponsor, he’s also our equipment manager too. And right now, I’m, well, we are all concentrating on the remaining season of events, so, well, men come and go, so?”
“There you have it viewers, Lonnie the fem boy sponsor and manager is getting more girl action that anyone you! [Pan the camera, Harold and crook one leg up ladies] so, Maddy, Maddy, Maddy, how does it feel to have such competitive targets on your back then, hmm? And I’m not talking about the four bullseyes targets that are dead center and very alluring across the rear of your uniform modesty undies that cover all four of your four perfect butts! Tell it to my viewers, Maddy, go ahead and don’t be afraid to call out any of your four boyfriend rejects who came too soon, so you made them go!”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, LOL, hi Paul, Tanner, Jack and Kenny, anyways, we all know our talents and our skills and we will line it up with literally archery squad out there and we are looking very, very, very forward to our upcoming event in Wyoming, where it is said that the cowgirls really know how to string a bow and take an arrow deep in the quiver! And for your viewers who I didn’t just call out for being fast shooters, ahem, hit rewind boys, and since you just mentioned it like four times, Gale Storms from TV3 News, our sponsor, Lonnie is a perfect four (mouths “Danny” into the camera).”
“Oh, boy, do I ever remember the days of a stringing a bow Wyoming style! Anyways, thank you Maddy, thank you Maddy, thank you Maddy, so, so, so, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, you have graced every newspaper, magazine and personality TV news program in your white pleated short archery skirt that seems to be about two fingers shorter than your three teammates [pan the camera, Harold], so, tell my viewers about that, Miss Mimi, go ahead.”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, well, our sponsor, Lonnie, has a booty perv thing going for me, but since he was so instrumental in bringing the “Arrows with Curves” championship team together, well, he’s really nice and as Maddy just said, he is a perfect four (mouths “Billy” towards the camera), so, if a little more of my bullseye target is visible from the rear, then sobeit, tee he, I mean, the men and photographers certainly don’t seem to mind, so.”
“[Pan, Harold, pan the camera] well, oh, boy, do I ever remember the days of showing off plump cheeks with a bullseye target dead center [slap]. So, so, so, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, where is this beloved Lonnie at anyways? A certain demographic of my viewers wouldn’t be mad if we could get in a few words with him too, well, I mean four, so, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi [pinch], help a news journalist woman out and give him a holler. So, Mayme, Mayme, Mayme, I mean, Mayme, you have been dubbed as the nun of the team so, Mayme, Mayme, Mayme, how would you like to respond to the haters then, go ahead?”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, I mean, I’m just in a slight thigh rubbing “whishing” sound weight issue phase right now, but for those haters, I mean, some have said that the sound drives them mad and I have received at least four marriage proposals just since our last archery competition event and the producers from our upcoming event in Wyoming have asked, well, somewhat demanded, that I wear one of those little sports mics like the football players wear sometimes, so, tee he, be sure to set your DVD recorders people!”
“OMG, OMG, OMG, there you have it, viewers, the producers in Wyoming have combined a tiny mic with a teeny tiny girl toy and Lonnie the equipment manager/sponsor is still getting more girl action than you! Thank you, Mayme, thank you, Mayme, thank you, Mayme, so, so, so, since Lonnie seems to be dragging his feet to show you viewers what he looks like in drag, oh, oh, oh, Maddy, Maddy, Maddy, where is your country wide famous mascot, Peacock Penny then?”
[Elbow swings, elbow pushes, elbow smacks]
“Oh, excuse me, ruffled feathers coming through, excuse me, oh, hi, Gale Storms from TV3 News, I’m Peacock Penny and I will guide you through everything that you need to know about our sponsor, Lonnie, who is just across the Strip right now fending off all of the faggots who all of a sudden want to put their arrow deep inside of his quiver, so?”
[Feathers fluffing and flying everywhere]
“OMG, OMG, viewers, viewers [cough, spit çukurova escort feather pieces, cough], viewers, this little blue-green birdie is flying hot! [Pan, Harold] so, Peacock Penny, Peacock Penny [cough, spit], Peacock Penny, tell it to my viewers, Peacock Penny, out of ten offers, how many boyfriends does this Lonnie queer get all up with and are you single enough to marry my son and bring a very colorful and beautiful baby into my life, go ahead, Peacock Penny.”
“Well, first of all, Gale Storms from TV3 News, Lonnie is Lonnie and we don’t slap a queer label on him, but he’s very popular lately, so out of ten, he fends off about nine, unless he has a previous history with someone, which has worked in the their favor lately like four times and to quote the very rear shapely Mimi, he sprouts the cutest “four” she has ever saw when someone strings his bow up and as far as your son, Mathew, goes, well, he’s color blind, so, he’s one of my rejects already, so?”
“There you have it, viewers, nobody on the planet can shake a set of tail feathers like Peacock Penny and Mimi teases Lonnie the fem sponsor into sexual bliss with her extremely plump and shapely butt to take black mail photos of Lonnie’s four and I should have laid off of the booze when I was pregnant with my son, Mathew because now he’s color blind and a Peacock Penny reject. And you, you, you, Cara, Cara, Cara, the ex-tomboy who is totally not a tomboy any longer, Cara, Cara, Cara [pan, Harold], tell my viewers your back story and how it feels to be the only left-handed shooter on the “Arrows with Curves” championship squad and since you have been dubbed as the “perky arrow” squad member, go ahead and tell it, Cara, tell my viewers if you wear lifting cups and don’t be afraid to start out with how you were not so long along in the championship running for being the last virgin in the state, go ahead, [pinch] Cara.”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, this should be all about the key to our success, Lonnie, but since you asked and pinched my nipple on live TV, I do not wear adhesive lifting cups, but Lonnie has put them on me a couple of times because he still loves boobs and I recently left my tomboy image behind me when I met a right handed boy at Left-Handed Archery camp, which holy matches up, lefty’s and righty’s are a perfect match, but I didn’t really drop out of the last virgin standing competition until I attended a party earlier this summer where I earned three peacock feathers in my back pocket from Peacock Penny and being the only left handed shooter on the “Arrows with Curves” squad seems to have worked out to our advantage. Also, I may have held out a little longer than most girls do, but making up for lost time has been a dream and three is enough (once or twice), so.”
“There you have it, viewers, girls, stick with your hair brushes for a while and boys, well, you little freaks just jack off all of damn time in every corner and parking lot anyways, so. OMG, OMG, OMG, viewers, fags, viewers, fags, viewers, fags, here he comes, it’s Lonnie, it’s Lonnie, it’s Lonnie, the oh, oh my, the very sexy creator of the “Arrows with Curves” archery squad! Lonnie, Lonnie, Lonnie, my faggot viewers are dying for you, Lonnie, so tell it Lonnie, tell it Lonnie and tell it true, how were you able to shimmy into these jeans tonight, go ahead sexy.”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, it wasn’t easy, but one of Peacock Penny’s rejects, Mathew, came over just after the dinner hour and helped me shimmy and wiggle into them. I mean, he had to lightly rub moisturizer on the outsides of my hips and then he had to rub a little on the inside of my thighs and then my arrow got in the way, so Mathew put my arrow in his quiver of a mouth and ta da, ten minutes later, my jeans were up, my arrow was down and then his arrow got strung, so then I made his arrow go down and now I have a family dinner invite to his mom’s place this Sunday, so?”
“Well, SOB, there you have viewers, my son is a reject from the girls, but loves him some fem boy arrow and moisturizer! Anyways, anyways, anyways, Lonnie, what’s next from you and what do you like to eat for Sunday dinner then, go ahead.”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, I mean, according to my new boyfriend, Mathew, well, I have a nice rump roast, so, something like that would be nice. Anyways, after the “Arrows with Curves” finish the archery competition season and after they complete the TV talk show circuit, I mean, I have my eye on a rowing crew just up the river, but I’m still working on a crew name since “Whores with Oars” seems to describe their mother’s more than them, so?”
“There you have it, viewers, I have to sit at home this Sunday and watch my hubby and my son argue over who is going to the split the rump roast! [Pan the camera up, Harold, he’s humping my pantyhose], so, Lonnie, Lonnie, Lonnie, what can we expect from the “Whores with Oars” uniform then since you seemed to have set a sexy uniform theme with the now overly famous “Arrows with Curves” team, so?”
“Tee he, well, Gale Storms from TV3 News, I mean, I just loaded a survey on your TV page and nylon rope bikinis seem to be the popular choice, so. Not for me, of course, as I call out, erm, what does the person sitting in back of boat say anyways? Stroke? It’s stroke, right? They scream out “Stroke It” if I’m not mistaken.”