“If days of the week were sex acts, Monday would be a dry, passionless, handjob…”
By the time I was old enough I was drinking a 40oz bottle of hard liquor almost every weekend, and because most of my friends had older siblings, it was easy to get to parties that were dominated by college kids (because they were held at friends’ houses while their parents were out, and if the older siblings didn’t let us attend we’d tell the parents about the parties). Anywhere there’s kids experimenting with alcohol, you know drugs weren’t far behind (primarily weed) and the older kids would find it especially funny to get us drunk (or high) so they could watch our antics. When other kids were developing and exploring their sexuality at a normal pace, doing things like playing spin the bottle; I was hanging out with kids who were having sex and doing drugs (and weren’t shy about it).
I was at a party that Decklun’s older brother was hosting at their house (there was a death in his family and his parents were out of town for the weekend) we didn’t get over to Decklun’s place until late and by the time we got to the house we found a group of about fifteen people who were heavily intoxicated (or high) playing a game of truth or dare.
Me and Decklun immediately asked if they had any hard liquor for us (or even beer) because we were dead sober, but Decklun’s older brother (Elliot) said we could only have booze if we “earned it” (ok in the past this usually meant showing his friends how big a bong hit we could take, then doing a stupid task like streaking thru the park) so we agreed; but little did we realize we would be the ONLY focus of their dares. It was Elliots turn to pick the next person to choose between truth or dare, so he chose one of his male friends who decided he’d take a dare, but Elliot told his friend that instead of the older party goes doing a dare he got to pick between me and Decklun, and he could make us do something stupid (so we could earn some booze!)
“Ok I dare the big one (me; at 6’5 I was bigger than most the older guys at the party) to go on someone’s lawn and drop his pants (mooning the house) while Decklun rings the doorbell… he’s not allowed to move until someone comes out to yell at him” he announced. WOW – Talk about a uncreative dare… me showing my ass was no big deal; especially to strangers! I knew that I could knock this out quickly, so I got up to go outside (and the party followed).
With the festivities successfully moved outdoors I got the guy who issued the dare to pick a house, and did exactly as I was instructed. Everyone had a good laugh, then we started going back down the street to return to the house, but one of the girls decided she wanted to dare Decklun to strip naked, so he had to walk the rest of the way home in his birthday suit (Decklun was much like me and lacked shame) so he accepted the dare without hesitation and disrobed.
The older group was getting a kick out of using us as their puppets, so as soon as we arrived back at the house Elliot poured us both generous drinks, and he asked the group who was going next (but not before telling Decklun to get dressed because the little guy was so focused on getting drunk he hadn’t bothered putting his clothes back on when we got inside the house).
One of the guys decided for this turn me and Decklun had to take the biggest hoot possible off of the glass water-bong, then wrestle each other while holding the smoke in our lungs; first person to pin the other gets a drink. Elliot packed a bowl and we smoked as instructed, then we started wrestling in the middle of the living room. Right out of the gate I grabbed Decklun by the hips then took him to the ground quite aggressively, causing him to exhale when he impacted the floor, and as soon as the smoke came out of his mouth one of the girls yelled “PARTY FOUL; The big guy wins!” Then everyone laughed as Elliot poured me a drink; before offering Decklun a hoot off the bong as a consolation prize.
“Ok, I dare your brother to motorboat Lisa for ten seconds…” one of the girls yelled out (Jesus how is that even a dare? Any guy would love to do that!) Without even a second of hesitation Decklun hopped up from his seat, then asked what girl was Lisa; once the target was identified Decklun enthusiastically dove between her tits and motor-boated her for like a minute (Lisa had to push him off to end the turn!)
Decklun’s antics got a great reaction from the crowd, so as everyone was laughing and cheering Elliot poured him a drink. It was now my turn to do something and I was getting the feeling it was going to be another lame dare (because a few of the guys were in a little huddle, and they looked like their combined IQ was equivalent to their shoe size!)
“Ok, I dare the big guy to play the rest of the game in his boxers, BUT, he also has to motorboat Lisa; then Lisa has to tell us who did it better…” (So this guy might be as bright as Alaska in December, but he was now officially my hero, bonus veren siteler and new favorite person at the party!) I had zero hesitation pulling off my shirt then dropping my pants before making my way over to Lisa to stick my head between those perfect titties (that were calling me to them like a sirens song calls ships to the rocks!) I was eager to start my turn, and I did my best to outdo Decklun as I rubbed my face on Lisa’s chest until she ended my turn by pushing me off, and Elliot immediately asked; “So, who was better?”
Lisa thought about it for a minute then; she pointed to Decklun. “What!? How was his better?” I asked; protesting her decision.
“He used his tongue… and his turn was more gentle” Lisa explained.
“Well shit; I didn’t know we were allowed to use our tongues; I’ve been training for a situation like that my whole life!” I exclaimed, as I was trying to justify my lacking performance (it’s true I was proud of my oral skills; some people could tie cherry stems with their tongues; I could solve Rubix cubes!)
“Ok, I’ll give you BOTH one more chance, but this time it’s a contest to see who can give me the sexiest performance on my chest and neck! You’ve gotta try turning me on by using only your mouths… but your buddy has to strip down to his boxers as well because I want some eye candy… sound fair?” Lisa asked (suddenly all the other guys were wishing they were in our shoes). I don’t think Lisa had finished her sentence before Decklun dropped his pants, then peeled off his shirt to conform to the request.
“What do we get if we win?” Decklun inquired (expecting to be told how many drinks the winner received after). “Hmmm… how about a handjob? If you do a good enough job… and you get me nice and turned on; I’ll give the winner a handjob…” Lisa declared (causing the crowd to cheer).
“Out here?” I asked (the words just kinda slipped out; I didn’t really care where it was, or if people were watching). “No stupid, I’ll take the winner down to a bedroom or the bathroom to do it; wherever they prefer!” Lisa replied; like this should be common knowledge (I dunno maybe this was common practice at parties with the older group, but It was definitely a first for me!)
“Oh I definitely prefer the bedroom over the bathroom; I’ll take the handjob in there!” I declared; being my typical mix of smart ass, and cocky! Decklun was the first up to bat; and the group decided that this round would have a time limit of one minute each. I was surprised to see that Decklun was wasting a lot of his time showing off (and giving Lisa what could only be described as a lap dance) before someone yelled out; telling him this was about turning Lisa on, and not just making her laugh! So Decklun focused, and he started tracing his tongue on Lisas neck as he pulled the front of her shirt down (so he could better access her chest).
Once Decklun put the necessary focus into his task Lisa started moaning, then she brought her hands up to play with her tits (and push them up into Decklun’s face) but the crowd was soon calling the end to the minute, so Decklun stepped away as he graciously wished me luck. Being excited for my turn I took up my position on Lisa’s ample chest, and unlike my competition I didn’t waste any of my time on theatrics (mainly because my dancing would look like a full body dry heave).
I started tracing my tongue up Lisas neck, then continued up to her ears where she allowed it for a minute before pushing my head back down. I pulled her shirt down (much like Decklun did) but I was extremely focused, and I used my tongue to drive Lisa absolutely nuts (I was determined to make up for my lacking first performance!) Lisa was enjoying my tongue so much that by the time the minute expired she had her hands up interlaced in my hair (holding my head) as she was breathing quite heavily and she was visibly flushed! As soon as I pulled myself away from Lisa’s bountiful chest I could tell that I’d won this erotic little contest (by the look on her face) but I wanted the official call.
“So who did you have more fun with? Also, when I win, do I get the handjob AND a drink; or how does that work?” I inquired (and everyone started laughing). Lisa eventually regained her faculties and she stood up as she was fixing her shirt.
“I think the winner is quite obvious; do you want MY prize, OR, do you want the drink?” She asked.
“Oh I’ll definitely take the handjob; I was just curious about my drink, after all I did earn it!” I said confidently (yeah most guys would be ecstatic to get a handjob so they’d forget about the drink; but my inner alcoholic was shining thru!)
Elliot poured me a drink to congratulate me, then Lisa grabbed my hand to take me down the hall to a bedroom so she could make good on her part of the wager. I won; I should be excited right? Well let me fill you in on a little something; this all sounds like fun (and who doesn’t enjoy getting their wiener touched?) But bedava bahis Lisa was very drunk, and I’d only had three drinks up until this point in the evening so I was still sober as the Pope!
To try and correct the sobriety issue I slammed the drink that Elliot gave me on my way to the bedroom, but as soon as the door closed Lisa reached into my boxers and pulled my cock out so she could get down to business! The alcohol didn’t have the time it needed to kick in, and I’ll tell you something right now; getting a sober handjob is a lot like getting molested at sleep-away camp!
With my off putting sobriety at the forefront it took me forever to get hard; because despite my best efforts (or the begging) Lisa wouldn’t upgrade me from coach to first class (and use her mouth!) Compounding the problem of me being sober was the fact that Lisa had absolutely no technique; so the whole experience felt awkward and inappropriate (it reminded me of those episodes of the Maury Show where women would give handjobs in exchange for chicken McNuggets!)
Needless to say, despite Lisa being extremely attractive (and me having the libido of a guy who’d just recently discovered free porn sites with a high speed internet connection) it took me FOREVER to cum! Under normal conditions if I cleaned myself too vigorously my cock would shoot off; so that tells you just how uncomfortable this whole encounter was!
When considering all factors; I’d rate this experience a soft four out of eleven – Lisa provided service with a smile, but she lacked skill and imagination!
This has been an entertaining stroll down memory lane, but while we’re on the topic of handjobs I might as well explain why I hate them as much as I do the Toyota Prius (Tori Spelling’s Guatemalan tit job, the hole in a Walmart bathroom stall, and discounted Hamburger Helper on Kijiji are three things I’d touch before driving a Toyota Prius!) The incident with Lisa was the birthplace for my disdain towards handjobs, but the distaste (that boarders hate) would only be fortified a few months later while on a greyhound bus…
Our school had planned a ski trip out to lake Louise, and for some reason instead of getting the regular yellow buses that students were normally forced to travel in they’d secured some plush greyhound buses (that came complete with TV’s and a bathroom) so while most people were watching a Kevin Heart movie on the onboard entertainment system (or whatever lame comedy they were playing to occupy us on our travels) I was trying to convince the girl who was sitting beside me (Misty) to join me in the bathroom.
I know what you’re thinking; “What could two people do in a greyhound bus bathroom?” and to that my reply is simple my friend; try to have sex! Me and Misty had just started dating; and our relationship was so fresh that we hadn’t found an opportunity to hit the lab to see how our sexual chemistry was, so when this blessing disguised as a ski trip was dropped in my lap I decided to do what every young man does (when he’s dating a girl who has the body of a woman) beg her for sex!
Misty was a sexually adventurous lady (I knew this from partying with her) and her promiscuity was a big part of the draw I had towards her; so I figured if I had the balls to ask, Misty would hop at the chance for a little fun! Unfortunately Misty didn’t find my suggestion as romantic (or endearing) as I thought it was, and she shot me down quite abruptly; so naturally plan B was to try and plea my case, and hopefully change her mind (or wear her down).
James was sitting in the seats directly in front of me and Misty, so he overheard my plea, and the ensuing negotiations (so that I could at least get a pee-pee touch out of my travel companion) when like any good friend he decided to be co-counsel and chime in. James suggested we turn our little dispute into a bet; “If Cory wins you’ve gotta give him a blowjob in the bathroom, but if you win Cory will eat you out!” James proposed; trying to make his suggestion sound fair (when in reality both of those situations I’d consider a strong win on my side!)
Misty always had a fairly competitive streak; so instead of shooting down the suggestion she said; “Ok, we will get a neutral third party to ask the both of us a trivia question; if I win you have to finger blast me, if I lose I’ll give you a handjob in the bathroom!” No sweeter words could have come from her mouth because I figured once I got Misty into the bathroom (and things got sexual) it would be easy to get my dick wet, so I gladly accepted the modified terms of her bet!
James brokered the deal so he started looking around the bus; trying to find someone smart that could ask us the trivia question, and he eventually decided on Ellen. “Hey Ellen; we need a trivia question to settle a dispute, what do you have?” James yelled out. Ellen thought about it for a minute, then she yelled back; “How many points does the maple leaf on the Canadian flag have?”
I looked deneme bonus over to Misty and I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t know the answer (and she was trying to count the points in her head) my purple headed yogurt slinger was starting to tingle in anticipation of what was to come because I definitely knew the answer! James turned to Misty and asked her for the answer first (because he could tell by the smile on my face that I knew how many points it had).
“Umm… Shit, I should know this… I think there are nine points!” Misty said quite nervously. James then turned to me and asked me for my answer; “Ohh you are SOOO close babe; there’s actually eleven points on the Canadian maple leaf!” I said with confidence (and peppered cockiness). James turned back to Ellen so she could confirm it was correct, then turned back to congratulate me as we all had a good laugh!
“No fair; best out of three!” Misty protested (trying to snake out of our little bet). “Hey you said A TRIVIA question; not best out of three! I earned this; fair and square!” I said, trying to enforce the terms of our agreement. Misty was a really good sport so after a bit of teasing she finally conceded “OK; but we can’t BOTH get up and go into the bathroom together because everyone will notice; so you go in first and get yourself hard, then I’ll come in a few minutes to finish you off!”
I know up until this point in the story I seem like I’m a chauvinistic pig that was pressuring poor Misty into performing a sex act (by putting her on the spot in front of our friends) and I’ll completely admit that I wasn’t thinking clearly because of my ragging hormones, BUT, before you judge me, you should know that Misty was extremely aggressive when it came to sexual situations. In fact, that’s how she marketed herself in our circle of friends.
I know as I’m recounting this memory it comes across like she was pressured into following me to the bathroom (because I use humour to deflect from feelings of discomfort) but honestly had I given her an exit opportunity she would have called me a pussy and embarrassed me in-front of my friends. Under the oversight of peer pressure both me and Misty played hard (and we played to win) so backing down after some very public terms had been set simply wasn’t something that either of us were willing to do; because ultimately it was an ego thing on both our sides.
I had no shame showing off my body, but I was also mentally a child, but I had the body of a man, at eighteen I was over 235lbs and 6’5 with facial hair, so because I looked mature from a young age; everyone assumed that I had all kinds of sexual experience; when in reality I was just trying to maintain my “image” as a player, or bad boy, and anyone who’s ever been to college knows one great universal truth; image is everything
Now that we’ve cleared that up; back to the Greyhound! Having been given my marching orders I sprung up from my seat and made my way to the bathroom (that was almost directly behind our seats) once inside the bathroom I took a quick piss, then washed my face with loads of cold water before I closed the lid on the toilet. Feeling confident and clean; I let my pants fall to the floor so I could sit on the toilet and prep myself for Misty’s arrival.
I wasted no time pulling my dick out of my boxers thru the fly and I started thinking about all the dirty (romantic) things I wanted to do to Misty while I had her in the privacy of the bathroom (surely handjob was secret code for “with my vagina?”) It didn’t take long for my soldier to be standing at full attention, then suddenly the bathroom door opened and Misty was standing there staring at me (I wasn’t fazed that she still had the door open and others on the bus could see I was jerking off) I was just sitting there running my hand up and down my cock at a medium pace (with a huge smile on my face).
“Are you ready?” I inquired, and broke Misty out of the trance she was in as she was staring at my dick (this was the first time she’d seen it).
“Oh, Yeah!… Stand up; there’s not enough room in here for me to get down in front of you” Misty demanded; as she tried to squeeze into the tiny bathroom. I got up and sat over on the sink (then kicked off my shoes and pants) so Misty could take my seat and we’d be in a comfortable position to get this task underway. I kept stroking my dick (to fully harden it) and Misty was staring at my increasingly growing member with wanton eyes; so I assumed she wanted to suck it, and to be helpful I moved it closer to her face.
“HEY! The bet was for a handjob; last I checked that’s not done with the mouth!” Misty snarled; protesting my valiant advance.
“My bad; I thought you wanted to suck it” I deflected (as I reached down and picked up her hand to replace mine on my shaft).
“Oh don’t get me wrong, I definitely want it! But a bet is a bet, and a blowjob isn’t what we agreed upon, honestly I think you’re enjoying this whole situation WAY too much! So I’m not even going to smile; never mind say anything to help you thru this; I’m angry because I lost the bet, and that’s going to show in my performance!” Misty explained as she realized the predicament she was in; and tried to gain some control.