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San Zula 01
I’m going to start out by asking all of you to not think of me as a copycat, even though that’s basically how I came to look the way I look. I mean, after muddling around for months as an average CD, I came upon a very appealing CD from Paris online and it struck me that we shared similar facial features, so he became my model. I mean, we all copy things, right? Fashion, makeup tips, life hacks and so on, right?
And I’m not trying to sell myself short either, but “muddling” and “how the hell” are two very different things (looks) and “how the hell did you do that” won out big time over “yeah, you’re alright” and all, so.
So, my first confession is this. LOL, even though I thought my makeup skills were somewhat decent, they were all wrong. I mean, who knew that a very Rosey set of cheeks that continued right over the bridge of my nose would make such an improvement in my appeal?
And my second confession is that the professionals knew all about tricks like that, so I brought in the professionals (LOL, the Bibb twins). I mean, the voice of experience has a lot of value and that value basically changed everything about my facial appeal. I mean, I’m not trying to confess to all of you that I had everything backwards, but, LOL, I did.
My last confession is that I was so pleased with the results, that I visited his OF page and dropped an unexplained thank you and donated my dues. I mean, he could have at least asked why I dropped a “thank you” or threw back an emoji, but I suppose the people on OF have other priorities, right?
Well, shoot, my absolute last confession is that I need another couple of months to copy the hair, which I’m going to do, but what I have right now isn’t all that bad, so that’s the end of my confessions. Maybe, LOL.
Anyways, hi, I’m San Zula and I hope you appreciate my new and improved look and I hope that you agree that it’s a real glow up moment for me. As for the rest of me, if you like a little meat on the bones, you might pass on me. But if thinner is your thing, you might friend me on Chang. LOL, or if “cuddling” for an hour is your thing no matter what body type one has, then, LOL, your thing is the same as most other lurkers on Chang who just want to “cuddle” and move on. But it’s fun to engage with them, just the same.
Alright, with my copycat confessions out of the way, LOL, let me also make a “San Zula” confession and say that, wow, my life, right? The hair salon is my main hang out club! But I’ll get into the key hair stylist later and I’ll also address the salon owner, Mildred later too. LOL, but just for story heads up, Mildred just turned 319, just to let you know how our social media discissions went.
But first, it’s back to my need to get out of the house, a by chance Ad of a local business and the golf cart that was in my pole barn and something that my uncle gave me well over a year ago. Now, all I can tell you about the electric golf cart is that it is functional with charged batteries and that I have driven it about three times and that it is a terrible two shaded green and tan. I mean, do golf courses buy them that way to keep people from stealing them or what? I mean, it’s a gawd awful color scheme. Which might be why I’ve only driven it like three times during city sponsored yard sales and stuff. I mean, it zips, but you know, it’s ugly.
So, back to the business Ad that I caught on TV and at least gave me a chance to engage with someone other than my three friends. The Ad was for the local customizing motorcycle shop, but there were ATVs in the background too, so I put on my best face and my best Denim shorts, took a photo of the ugliest golf cart on the planet and visited the bike shop to see if they were interested in cleaning it up and repainting it, even if with finger paint. I mean, seriously, the original paint scheme was that ugly.
“Well, um, San Zula, we are not in habit of turning down business, so I have to tell you right up front that until we do something with this gawd awful color scheme, well, we’ll work on it, but way (way, way) in the back, so?”
“I’m fine with that and I don’t blame you. So, you’ll power wash the batteries too?”
“Oh, it will be spit shine clean all around and inside and out and here is the quote for it.”
And you know, silly me, right? I was expecting the up-sell speech of “well, why we have your machine in house, let’s consider doing this and that”, but what I got was the quote and “Brad will pick it up with the trailer within 24 hours”, which meant my time out to Club Le Customizing was cut short. But I was out and I stood face to face with a stranger and he called me San Zula, so it was another glow up win for me.
And it was another win Brad showed up with his trailer.
“Well San Zula, the guys will paint it alright and it doesn’t seem worth things like fender flares for the jazz of it, but listen, let’s see how this thing turns out and then I might know someone who might be interested in buying this erenköy escort from you.”
“Well Brad, the truth is that I’m only updating this thing as a side project and all, but what can be done to it to help your friend make up his mind?”
“I’m thinking about just a set of larger wheels and chrome rims and a solid dark green color, but let me get this thing into the shop and review it with the guys and we’ll get back to you.”
“And can I say that I would appreciate it if it were you who kept in contact with me about things, Brad?”
“Oh, yeah, I’ll be your point man, but that means that I get to keep your phone number and all, so.”
Well, starting later that day and for the next couple of weeks, LOL, Brad had become my cell phone boyfriend, LOL. And then I guess we broke up when he delivered the finished project. I mean, it was cool and all with its new one-color paint job and the chrome wheels looked really nice, LOL, I mean jazzy and all, so my phone boyfriend relationship was over.
“And San Zula, my friend is interested in looking at the golf over and I’m interested in knowing if I can continue to keep your number in my phone. I’m also interested in how you have such appealing facial features, but I’m not trying to be too forward.”
“Oh, well, I got really lucky with the formational shape of my lips and then I came upon two professional makeup artists and the clothing is all me and I’d be disappointed if you dumped my number and all, so.”
“So, your cheeks aren’t on fire then?”
“LOL, no Brad, my very Rosey cheeks aren’t on fire, but I like how they seemingly have that deep burning amber look and I like the makeup scheme highlights me between my lips and my eyes, so.”
“Oh, I like it too and it draws attention, I mean, I just wanted to know what might happen if I ever brush my fingers across your face and all, so.”
I mean, wow, for my first serious flirting moments with my ex-phone boyfriend and all, right? I mean, that stunned me more than Brad was stunned the first time he realized that he was talking to a cross dresser. LOL, and for the first couple of moments, LOL, we both had the exact same response, silence! But I didn’t run. I mean, I mostly didn’t run because it felt like my high tops were buried in the ground and all, but still, right?
“Well, ex-phone boyfriend Brad, I’ll be sure to tone things down a little for the next we meet and all. But don’t think too poorly of my makeup consultants, Bindi and Cindi. They showed me what worked best for me and then they left me to do things myself after that and all, so.”
“Oops, let’s back up the golf cart here! Bindi and Cindi? As in the Bibb twins? I mean, wow, this is going to be awkward and funny at the same time!”
“Well, I don’t know what’s so funny, ex-phone boyfriend Brad and as far as being awkward goes, well, I thought you knew what I am under all this jazzy makeup and crisp clothes and all, so.”
“LOL, hey, I knew from the start what and who you are under all that jazzy makeup and in those crisp clothes and all, but, LOL, the Bibb twins are the nieces of the guy I was going to show your electric golf cart to as a buying interest and all, so it’s a small world, right San Zula?”
“Oh, so your friend is Mr. Carter then, ex-phone boyfriend Brad?”
“Yup, Bob Carter, who by the way, firmly believes that there are only two types of people on the planet, men and women, so this should be interesting, right?”
I mean, I was pretty new to just about everything in the outside world at that point, so why not pile it on, right? I mean, if the Bibb twins show up with their Uncle Bob, I’ll have to take extra time with my fire red cheeks and all, but hey, bring it on, right? Or not.
“Well, maybe your friend, Mr. Carter, doesn’t need an electric golf cart and all, so.”
“Oh, he needs one alright. He lives by the life of the local festivals and he needs a better way to cart his merchandize back and forth between his vendor tent and all, so.”
Well, the first thing I did after the ex-phone boyfriend Brad left was to contact Bindi and Cindi and LOL, oh yeah, they wouldn’t miss their Uncle Bob’s first up close exposure to a CD for anything and yup, they challenged me to tone down the volcano red lava coloring of my highlighted cheeks. Which I will remind you, crosses the bridge of my nose because I really like that part of the look.
But let me ask you people a question before I get into that “golf cart for sale” meeting.
Does it really do anything when a 40 something, like Mr. Carter, speaks to someone like me, a fairly committed cross dresser, I mean, does it really do anything when he plugs his ears with his fingers because he’s afraid of what he might hear or when he covers his eyes with his fingers because he’s afraid of what he might see? I mean, seriously, right?
Now, never no mind you that I took advantage of having him on the ropes and all because I had advance ergani escort information and all, but it felt like it was going to be a lot fun from the moment that Mr. Carter and my ex-phone boyfriend Brad and the Bibb twins strolled towards my pole barn. I mean, it took a little while for the teasing fun to begin because of all of the mumbling and grumbling that Mr. Carter had to work his way through, but after a few minutes, he settled down and got down to business.
“Well, fine, but just what the hell kind of name is San Zula anyways? (Unless San Zula means shorts that short and nice legs and all).”
“Be nice, Uncle Bob.” “Be nice, Uncle Bob.”
“Sorry, but it’s not easy to keep up with my grumpy old man membership. So, are you going to unveil this fancy ass electric golf cart that Brad keeps insisting I need? (Ah, are his legs supposed to be that smooth?).”
“Alright then, so I’ll ask my ex-phone boyfriend Brad to pull the sheet off of the fancy ass electric gold cart as I say ta, da, so, Ta, Da!”
Yeah, that always works better on TV, but it worked. And apparently, the toning down of my face on fire application of blush worked too.
“Perfect red cheek shine, San Zula.” “Perfect red cheek shine, San Zula.”
“But ex-phone boyfriend Brad, San Zula????” “But ex-phone boyfriend Brad, San Zula????”
I mean, I guess I could have left all that out about my ex-phone boyfriend Brad and all, but I was excited to being so close to sealing a deal and all, so.
“Well, I mean, SOB, I could use something like (is he posing like a girl) this and all, but I mean, well.”
“Chime in ex-phone boyfriend Brad.” “Chime in ex-phone boyfriend Brad.”
“Look Bob, festival vending is your life and with the pandemic behind us, the festival crowds are coming back and the city has doubled the size of the September Harvest Festival and with the good weather we have been having and all, so. I mean, you could huff and puff your OG ass back and forth with your OG two-wheeled dolly or you could wake up in the 21st century and you know, not try to have an OG heart attack by using an electric golf cart to move your merchandize around.”
“Well, I mean (spit), well, it looks sharp and all and it would be (damn, is he scratching his bare thigh?) helpful at the festivals and all, but I need more time to think about (and watch him bat his jazzy eyes some more too) and all, so.”
“(Give him a minute like we planned, San Zula).” “(Give him a minute like we planned, San Zula).”
“Alright Mr. Carter, I’m going to slip into the house for a few minutes so you can figure a few things out (and so you watch the bouncing ball walk away) and then I’ll be right back out.”
“Well, (I’m going to figure out if your ball bounces as you walk away then), alright and out of respect for you and your time (and wow, I got wood? I haven’t had wood in a long time), I’ll make up my mind quickly and all, San Zula.”
“Why Mr. Carter, with my name slipping so easily from your lips, I mean, am I real person to you then Mr. Carter?”
“Well, yeah (but only because you keep licking your lips), I mean, I just don’t know a whole lot about the modern world and all, so.”
“(LOL, Uncle Bob has a man problem, LOL).” “(LOL, Uncle Bob has a man problem, LOL).”
“(LOL, so does ex-phone boyfriend, Brad, LOL).” “(LOL, so does ex-phone boyfriend, Brad, LOL).”
“(Do we need cell phone boyfriends?)” “(Do we need cell phone boyfriends?)”
Oh, well, both of those “man” issues were a first for me too, but as they came to be just as I was bouncing my ball away, it wasn’t so bad. Although my “seal the sale” plan might not have helped with those “man” issues. I mean, the shorts I was wearing were quite tiny as it was, so when I slipped on my long sports jersey, it gave me the appearance of wearing PJs or LOL, a dress and a mini dress at that.
And remember, I had advanced info on his inexperience with CD’s and all, so lying to them all about my long sports mini skirt jersey was just another way to keep Mr. Carter on the ropes.
“Well damn, just how was I thinking things over then? (Um, bare legs, sports jersey, bare legs!). Is that how you dress for bed, San Zula? (Damn it, stupid smooth boy legs).”
“LOL, no Mr. Carter, I usually just sleep in my undies, but this is how I dress when I make 8pm Banana Splits and all, so.”
“(Oh, I want to split you with my banana and you can keep the undies on!). Well, Brad tells me that the golf cart checks out OK and he said that it really zips along and all.”
“Zip, zip festival zip.” “Zip, zip festival zip.”
“And since my niece’s Bindi and Cindi, said that they would help me with the merchandize by operating the golf cart and all and just as long as we keep them warm from the cool breeze from zipping along in this fancy ass golf cart by having them wear Winter Amish Festival wear, well, I think we’re close to a deal and all (and just exactly what are you wearing under ergene escort that jersey?).”
“Amish wear? Oops, Uncle Bob, oops.” “Amish wear? Oops, Uncle Bob, oops.”
“Say something, San Zula.” “Say something, San Zula.”
“(Fiddle with your jersey, San Zula.)” “(Fiddle with your jersey, San Zula.)”
“Well Mr. Carter, I fully support the Winter Amish Festival and all, but if the air is going to feel breezy and chilly as the twin’s zip around the festival while flirting and all, then Bindi and Cindi should wear tube tops with halter tie shirts for warmth, almost appropriate Denim shorts for durability, fishnets for warmth and black boots that fall somewhere between combat and club boots for feet security and maybe matching headbands for protection from the breeze as they drive around and attract attention from boys and all, so?”
“It’s ooh, la, la, Uncle Bob, I mean. it’s cool.” “It’s ooh, la, la, Uncle Bob, I mean, it’s cool.”
“Well, I don’t even know half of what you just said and by that, I mean I don’t have a single clue of what you just said, but I think I need the golf cart and it sounds like my nieces will be warm and all and if they want to go fishing after the festival and all then sobeit, so I’ll take it (And stop fiddling with your jersey like that or lift it higher). (And just when did I go gay?).”
“Alright then, we have a deal (and LOL, you have such a man issue, Mr. Carter!). So, should we go inside and celebrate with a Banana Split? I can split a mean banana and my balls of ice cream are perfectly round. So, anyone? Ex-phone boyfriend Brad?”
“The cards on the table, ex-phone boyfriend Brad.” “The cards on the table, ex-phone boyfriend Brad.”
“LOL, round balls, I mean, oops, round scoops.” “LOL, round balls, I mean, oops, round scoops.”
“Oh, you kids go ahead, I mean, you know us OG’s and all, right? (Besides, we’ll be alone when I picked this thing up tomorrow). (And you’re still fiddling with your club mini, I mean your jersey, damn it!).”
“Alright, so Bindi, Cindi, ex-phone boyfriend Brad? Banana Split anyone?”
“We should go, right?” “We should go, right?”
“Not! We need his credit card.” “Not! We need his credit card.”
I mean, I had to actually stand in front of the twins so my ex-phone boyfriend Brad could get a word in, right?
“Well, I shouldn’t San Zula, but things are a little irresistible around here, but if I get fat, that’s on you, San Zula!”
“(Hmmm, I might let your fat ass crush me, I mean, we’ll see) Alright then, let’s close up the Pole Barn and then you all can follow the bouncing ball into the kitchen, gals and ex-phone boyfriend Brad.”
Now, just be clear, I sort of worked myself into a jam. I mean, I had said that I wore my sports jersey all the time to make Banana Splits, but the truth was that it was brand new, but once you have someone on the ropes, you have to expect a little of that rope slashing back at you, right?
“Snap girls, I mean, ice cream and whipped cream together, right? I mean, what size shorts were the two of you going to buy on my credit card anyways?”
“Just snatching your credit card, San Zula, XOXO.” “Just snatching your credit card, San Zula, XOXO.”
“Yup, we need a cell phone boyfriend, Cindi.” “Yup, we need a cell phone boyfriend, Bindi.”
“But not like an Anime Boyfriend, right?” “But not like an Anime Boyfriend, right?”
“LOL, San Zula is our (fem boy) Anime Boyfriend!” “LOL San Zula is our (fem boy) Anime Boyfriend!”
“You know, bye girls.”
“XOXO, San Zula. Bye ex-phone boyfriend, Brad!” “XOXO, San Zula. Bye ex-phone boyfriend, Brad!”
I mean, if they end up marrying a set of guy twins, right? And imagine if it were a double wedding and all, right?
“San Zula, how in the hell do you deal with those two anyways?”
“Oh, well, I plug one ear, but I alternate my ears, so I get half of each of them.”
“LOL, alright, well, are you going to make me fat, San Zula?”
“LOL, apparently, I already did, although I could understand if the twins had something to do with that and all, so. And by the way, I get it, so. Anyways, I’m more than ready for us to retire to my bedroom now, ex-phone boyfriend Brad.”
“Oh, so am I ready to retire to your bedroom San Zula, but are there any more Chang T-Girl rules we have to abide by first, San Zula?”
“Well, when I confessed to the community that I had stroked you off in the back of the customizing shop while you gave a personal review of the progress and all, they all blew that off as fluff sex, but when they made me confess that we were spied on by your co-worker in the red bandana who sat in the corner sniffing his can of paint, well, ex-phone boyfriend Brad, I’m basically your golf cart boyfriend and all now, so.”
“Oh, and speaking of Willis sniffing paint fumes, he wanted me to ask you if had anything else that needed customizing. He said even a garden shovel would do.”
Boy, when you know very little about such an intimate event, right? I mean, at least he undressed himself because I couldn’t seem to manage it very well from my angle. But, wow, we were, wow, both naked in a short amount of time and wow, um, wow, what a “first”, right?
“For not knowing much, San Zula, well, you fell into this position quick enough and all.”