Author’s Note: This is the second part of Ashlee’s Weakness which is itself part of a larger story arch beginning with my stories Ashlee and Naiya’s Sleepover and Macy’s Crush. There are more stories involved, but as I listed many of them in the previous installment I won’t bother to do so here. All stories (plus many others I’ve written over the years) can be accessed from my profile, so feel free to go there if you find yourself getting lost or wanting to read more.
Please feel free to send me feedback whether negative or positive in nature. I did edit this myself, so there are most likely plenty of small errors in the text which hopefully won’t bother anyone too much. If anyone notices anything big and ultra annoying I’d love to know about it so I can fix it or at least try to avoid making the same mistake in the future. As long as it’s well intentioned and polite I am more than happy to read any criticisms you might have on this or any other story I have written.
And in case you were wondering all characters in this story involved in any acts of a sexual nature are at least eighteen years of age.
When Ashlee arrived back at the apartment from her night of passion with Carrie she couldn’t help but be darkly happy to see her lover asleep in her bed. Of course, she really had no reason to expect anything else. Macy wasn’t, after all, one to worry. A perfect example of this truth was the fact that when Ashlee had finally gathered the courage to turn on her phone after sitting in her car for more than fifteen minutes in the parking lot where she and Carrie had parted ways she only found one text from her lover that had simply said “hope ur having fun. I’m going to bed. Tell me about in the mornin. Xoxo.:)” and that was it. No passive aggressive messages, no half dozen missed calls and no anything else. There was just one little text and nothing more.
As Ashlee stood in the doorway of their bedroom staring at Macy sleeping so peacefully and managing to look so devastatingly cute despite the drool slowly leaking from the corner of her mouth Ashlee couldn’t help but feel like the worst person to ever walk the face of the earth. At least a part of her wanted to feel like the worst person in the world. Really though she didn’t feel like anything at that moment. She just felt empty, somewhat vaguely sad and tired. She was very, very tired.
Sure, the guilty part of her wanted to wake up Macy right then and there to shake and beg her for forgiveness for the horrible thing she’d done, but it was honestly just a small part of her. The rest of her just wanted to be left alone to sit in the dark of the living room thinking about nothing, doing nothing and, most of all, feeling nothing. She didn’t want to contemplate her sin, the effects it might and should have on her relationship with Macy or her friendship with Carrie. She just wanted to disappear into her head and feel nothing for awhile.
So that’s what she did more or less. It was a shockingly easy thing to do. She already felt fairly numb and, again, extremely tired. All it took was one lousy Vicodin from her stash, a couple of hits of the good stuff she and Macy had been saving for a rainy day and a healthy dose of Brian Eno’s Music for Airports from her iPod. After that she just laid herself down on the dingy couch and stared at the ceiling until the numbness overtook her and she finally managed to fall asleep just as the battery died and the music fell silent.
As she slept she happily achieved her goal of nothingness. She only slept and forgot what a worthless, untrustworthy person she had allowed herself to become. It was almost perfect except for the fact that it was destined to not last long at all. Of course, she wasn’t thinking of that because she had tried hard to feel nothing at all and, for what it was worth, she had succeeded. She was asleep and that was what mattered.
At least, she was until no more than two, maybe two and a half hours later when she found herself being softly nudged awake by Macy’s warm lips kissing her on the forehead while Macy’s fingers gently brushed Ashlee’s hair away from her face as she whispered sweetly “Wake up, drunkie. You’re supposed to be getting ready for class.”
“What?” Ashlee said automatically as she removed the ear buds from her ears even though she’d heard Macy and taken it all in quite easily.
“I said you have class in like an hour. You need to get up,” Macy said, smiling before tousling her lover’s hair playfully. Ashlee wanted to be grumpy and tell her to stop, but she just couldn’t. Instead she just smiled back at her lover and received an even bigger smile in return for her efforts.
How could she not smile? The sight of lovely, kind and beautiful Macy smiling at her with so much warmth and feeling even though Ashlee knew she had to look like death warmed over instantly melted the coldness she’d felt the night before. She couldn’t help it even as the small voice of guilt she’d heard the night before crept back into her Şerifali Escort mind to tell her she didn’t deserve the love hidden so poorly behind Macy’s beautiful smile.
Ashlee just couldn’t help but ignore that voice as she grabbed Macy’s hand to kiss her palm gently. Macy, of course, laughed at her. She kept on laughing even as Ashlee pulled her down into a kiss that Macy broke slowly to tease her saying “What’s got into you, weirdo? You’re usually not this lovey dovey in the morning. You didn’t like take a bunch of exstasy last night or something, did you?”
“No, “Ashlee said, smiling weakly as she tried very hard not to remember what she’d done the night before. It was a failed effort, but she managed to hide the guilt that welled up inside of her and maintained her weak smile only flinching a little before she added “No, I just went to a gay bar with Car.”
“A gay bar! You bitch! Oh, you suck so much ass! You went to a gay bar without me? I told I’ve wanted to go to a gay bar for like forever! I fucking hate you!” Macy said crossing right across Ashlee. Her anger was obviously a mixture of both playful front and real disappointment. She slapped Ashlee gently on the shoulder before adding more calmly “Was it fun?”
“It was okay. I mean, it was like totally much more Zen than I expected it to be. Oh, and I totally got drunk there.”
“How the fuck did you get drunk?” Macy asked, still obviously jealous, but also genuinely interested.
“Carrie knew the bartender,” Ashlee said simply, her smile fading slightly at the mention of Carrie’s name.
“Lucky bitch,” Macy said simply before adding “So is that it?”
“What do you mean?” Ashlee said, trying hard not to sound defensive despite the fact that the loving glint in Macy’s eye told her Macy was just asking the question because she was simply interested in what Ashlee had been doing while she was busy working far longer and sleeping far less than she wanted.
“I mean, is that all you guys did? Did you just go to a bar and get smashed or did you actually do something fun?”
“Getting drunk isn’t fun enough for you?”
“Umm, not really, but that’s just me.”
“Well, then you wouldn’t have had fun, because that’s pretty much all we did,” Ashlee said, lying with an ease that actually hurt her as Macy smiled and said “Well, as long as you had fun. I, on the other hand, just worked, came home, smoked a bowl with Enrique and watched some Futurama before I told Enrique to split and I went to bed.”
“Ahh, poor baby,” Ashlee said as she sat up and kissed her lover on the tip of her nose. Then she kissed her again on her eyelid causing Macy to giggle in a way that for some reason really made Ashlee want to kiss her in a more serious fashion, so she did and suddenly she found herself pulling her lover onto the couch as they both just kind of started making out until Ashlee’s hands reached behind Macy’s back and unsnapped her bra through her t-shirt causing Macy to push her away suddenly to catch her breath before speaking.
“What are you doing? You know you only have like half an hour to take a shower, get dressed and head off to class, right?” Macy said, smiling even as she chided her lover’s lack of priorities.
“So?” was Ashlee’s only answer as she tried to rejoin the kiss only to be blocked by Macy’s hand covering her mouth as she sat up straddling Ashlee’s legs. Ashlee, in turn, pushed herself up on her elbows.
“Well, because, as you well know, I also have class today and I, unlike you, cannot be late or that old, evil bastard will lock the fucking door. Besides,” Macy said, finally uncovering Ashlee’s mouth when she saw the defeat in her eyes. “I totally have some free time after class that would be much better suited for this, so.,” and here Macy paused to give Ashlee a soft, warm kiss on her lips that quickly threatened to become much, much more before Macy regained her senses and pulled away before repeating in a slightly more adamant tone “So, you horny bitch, just keep it in your pants until then.”
“Fucking fine,” Ashlee said her disappointment painfully obvious both in her voice and in the frown that was etched so deeply into her tired face until she finally forced herself to find the bright side as she said “Does that mean you have the night off tonight?”
“Uh, no, it just means I don’t have to go in early. Didn’t I tell you? After last night they’re switching me to slightly more humane hours. I don’t have to go until three and then I get out at two again, so instead of thirteen hours I only have to work eleven. Yay,” Macy said the last bit with enough deadpan sarcasm that Ashlee almost laughed despite the fact that she knew Macy was not really trying to be funny. Luckily Macy either didn’t notice or didn’t care as she continued “So. anyway. we can totally fuck before your afternoon practice. Doesn’t that make you happy?”
“Oh, ecstatic. Simply ecstatic. I love having my love life scheduled by your work,” Ashlee said feeling Şerifali Escort Bayan suddenly bitter about the way Macy had said it all. Well, not really the way she said it, but what she had said. It just kind of took the spontaneity and the passion out of everything and made it seem so tiresome for some reason.
“Oh, I know, baby. I fucking hate it, too, but, hopefully anyway, after this weekend Maggie will come back from her vacation and I’ll only have to work an extra day until they hire someone. Besides, think of all the weed we’ll be able to buy with the extra money I’ll be making. It’ll be so fucking sweet!”
“Really? Do you think we could also maybe like go to that sex shop by the strip club?” Ashlee said almost off the top of her head.
“What?” Macy came back honestly confused by the question. Sure, they’d joked around about buying sex toys before, but they’d always come to mutual decision that they were both more than happy with the tongues and fingers and what not that they had been born with and, besides, sex shops were just so creepy.
“It’s just.,” Ashlee started and stopped as she suddenly felt terrible about her current line of thinking because it led her back to the night before. Still, the look on Macy’s face told her that it would be a good idea to finish her thought if she didn’t want to have to answer any questions later, so she bit the bullet and said “I was kinda curious about. you know, like maybe. if you wouldn’t mind, of course, like, possibly getting a. ummm. strap-on?”
“Seriously?” Macy said, looking at Ashlee through narrowed eyes as if she were suddenly suspicious. “I thought you said those were dumb.”
“I know I did, but.,” and again Ashlee paused as she thought of a good way to voice her thoughts before finally coming up with a carefully worded lie as she said “Carrie just kind of convinced me that they might be kind of fun.”
“Did she now? Well, she’s a little magician, isn’t she?” Macy said and then paused. Luckily it was a short pause, because Ashlee really had no idea how to respond to that before Macy said “You’re sure? I mean, ’cause you know I’m game, but if you’re.”
“No, I’m serious. I think it’d be fun,” Ashlee said cutting her off.
“Well, alright then. When I get my nice, fat paycheck for working my ass off this week we’ll call Jerry and get an ounce and then we’ll go see what kind of sex toys we can get for a hundred bucks. Sound like a plan?”
“It does,” Ashlee said simply, more than a little relieved that Macy hadn’t questioned her further while at the same time feeling more than just a little guilty about. well, just about everything.
The guilt didn’t go away when Macy kissed her one more time before she said, “Shit, I really have to go. Enrique is going to meet me at the gas station on the corner in like fifteen minutes and if I don’t get there soon they’re going to dump my coffee and I fucking need my coffee.”
“Yuck. That stuff is not coffee,” Ashlee said before urging Macy to give her one more kiss before she got up.
“Shut up, hipster. Just because it doesn’t cost five bucks a cup doesn’t mean it isn’t coffee,” Macy said as she got up, slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door.
“That’s not why it isn’t coffee,” Ashlee said with a smile, unable to resist falling into their old argument.
“I said shut up. I like my freeze dried hazlenutty deliciousness and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Love ya, babe,” Macy said as she blew Ashlee a kiss as she opened the door.
“Love you, too, baby,” Ashlee replied as she returned the gesture with a weak smile as she watched her lover walk out the door. The smile vanished almost as soon as the door closed and Ashlee found herself rubbing her eyes trying hard to both wake herself up completely and keep the dark thoughts that were quickly threatening to overtake her at bay. She was only moderately successful on both fronts, but she did manage to force herself to get up and grab some three day old pizza and a can of Red Bull from the fridge for breakfast before heading to the shower for a quick and much needed cleansing before dressing quickly, but still decently and then grabbing her book bag and laptop and heading out the door.
For the next hour and a half as Ashlee sat in class she was far too busy trying her hardest to pay attention to the Professor’s droning, monotonous voice to contemplate anything about the night before. She simply couldn’t spare the brain power. Red Bull had proved less than adequate and she actually found herself struggling just to keep her hand moving as she took her notes. She was keeping up, but only just.
Luckily Alex (a friend from the team and one of the few people who hadn’t acted like a jerk when Ashlee started hanging out with Carrie) was sitting right next to her taking her own notes as well as noticing just how frazzled Ashlee was. By the time class was over Alex was almost begging Ashlee to take her notes as they walked to Ashlee’s Escort Şerifali car. Ashlee refused, but she did cave when Alex insisted that they study together after practice both to shut Alex up as well as just because Alex was a fun, safe (i.e. straight. Well, semi-straight, really, but that’s a whole other story) person to hang out with.
Well, there were other reasons too. Alex was pretty cool and Ashlee knew that her idea of studying usually involved getting nice and stoned afterwards. While that didn’t necessarily make the studying all that meaningful it did at least mean that Ashlee would have an excuse not to call Carrie. Of course, she didn’t really need one and she kind of had a feeling that Carrie wouldn’t care either way but for some reason she felt a good deal better and just a tad bit stronger armored in her valid excuse.
So that was her plan. She’d go home, make love to her girlfriend, go to practice and afterwards she and Alex would pick up Jesse so they could “study” and do anything else besides call that devilishly beautiful girl who had rocked her world and made her feel like a goddess for a brief moment only to make her feel like a whore once that moment had passed.
As she drove home after dropping off Alex Ashlee found comfort in this new plan. She’d just leave it all in the past and try her best to pretend that nothing had happened and eventually it would just be a footnote in her life. It would become nothing but one wonderfully terrible night among the thousands upon thousands that would make up her life. She’d just move on and leave her mistake in the past like it was nothing more than a skipped appointment, a book she failed to return to the library on time or something else boring and mundane instead of the betrayal of trust that it truly been.
For awhile she managed to convince herself that she could get it done. In fact, she was sure of it. The numbness was gone, and the desire to just forget and move on had replaced it easily. Something inside just wanted to pretend it would all be good if she just wrote Carrie off and moved on. Sure, there was still a little voice in the back of her mind that told Ashlee that she was not only fooling herself, but also trying way too hard to find an easy way out that she didn’t deserve to take but it was a voice that was easy for Ashlee to ignore by simply repeating to herself that if she could just be good from now on that would be all that really mattered.
By the time she arrived home to find Macy in the shower Ashlee was absolutely certain she could be good again, that she could resist the urges she’d given into only the night before. Seeing Macy standing there in the warm spray of the shower looking like the living embodiment of sex helped with this feeling. It also sent shivers down Ashlee’s spine. She felt electric, she felt strong just knowing she was about to make love to the vision of feminine beauty who was currently humming along to the Lady Gaga song playing on the radio. It was all just so cute and so sexy that it almost hurt.
In the dark, barely conscious corners of her mind Ashlee couldn’t help but think that missing this was why she had strayed. Sure, it was a weak excuse, but that hardly mattered. Any excuse would do when it came to Ashlee justifying her guilt as she stared at her lover before entering the bathroom without saying a word as she began to shed her clothes.
It was true though. Lack of sex with Macy had been a contributing factor in Ashlee’s sin. Sadly, even Ashlee was aware of the fact that a temporary and partial dry spell after a period of unsustainable over abundance was hardly a good enough reason to cheat on the girl she loved more than anything in the world.
But when Ashlee heard Macy say, “Hello there, sneaky. Care to join me?” as she peaked around the shower curtain Ashlee suddenly didn’t care about any of that. All inner conflict was put on hold as she smiled back and said “You know it,” as she kicked off her pants which she had allowed to fall around her ankles and threw her t-shirt onto the floor in front of the sink and then quickly rid herself of the rest of her clothes before stepping into the shower to join her lover.
Now none of it was all that graceful or really all that sexy, but it was apparently good enough judging from the soft laughter it elicited from Macy. Of course, that laughter was probably more a result of the fact that Ashlee had almost tripped on her panties when she didn’t quite manage to get them off of her feet before trying to pull off her socks, but Ashlee didn’t care. She simply righted herself by grabbing onto the sink, kicked off her panties, ripped off her socks and quickly finished the job by removing her bra before finally joining her lover in the shower. The giggling now was meaningless. In fact, if anything, it only made her want Macy just that much more.
“So how was class?” Macy asked as she turned to face Ashlee with her hands on her head massaging in some shampoo only to turn away instantly to avoid her lover’s embrace saying “Hey! Be patient. I’m still washing my hair.”
“I don’t care,” Ashlee said honestly as she reached up to gently grab Macy’s chin and turned her back to face her for a soft, loving kiss which Macy gladly accepted even as she continued to rub the shampoo into her hair.