By the time I left the shower and dried, Gary had already disappeared downstairs. I brushed my teeth and flossed, trying to rid myself of the feeling that Gary’s semen was detectable on my breath. I felt I was being irrational, paranoid in fact; but I could not help fearing that somehow my sin could be detected, discovered.I really did not want to talk much about what had just happened, so I was slightly relieved that Gary was not lurking about. I suspected he needed some distance too. I believed we were both afraid to try to talk about it, fearful that if we looked at this too closely, one of us would decide we needed to stop, retreat, and atone for our sins, etc.I put on my normal sleeping attire: a t-shirt over my panties, and donned my robe as I typically would. However, this was only 9:00 p.m. on Saturday night. It was far too early to go to bed. I went downstairs to watch some TV.Mom was still awake, but not quite alert. She seemed surprised to see me in my robe. “Are you staying in tonight?”“Yeah, I am pretty tired. I have a lot of homework too.” I tried to avoid any doing anything that would raise any suspicion on her part. Today’s events needed to remain just between Gary and me; no one else ever need know about any of this, I reasoned.Gary was already in the TV room, also dressed for an evening at home. He was wearing a pair of sweats that he had cut into shorts and a tee shirt. If I had thought about it, I would have realized that having Gary and I both dressed for bed at nine o’clock on a Saturday night would raise some suspicions from Mom. But obviously, I was not thinking too clearly today – far from it.“So both of you staying in tonight?” Mom shouted from one room to another at Gary.“Yeah, I just don’t feel like going out tonight,” he replied.“Are you two feeling sick? This isn’t like either of you.”I jumped in, “We’re fine, just tired. Going to take the night off.”Mom looked skeptical, but said nothing more as she finished another vodka and orange en route to her nightly stupor. Mom sat with us for 15 minutes or so before retiring Başakşehir escort bayan to her bedroom with her next drink; the one that would push her over the limit.Gary and I watched TV, mostly in silence for the next hour or so. He was lying on the couch; I was sitting in the recliner. I was tempted to join him on the couch and cuddle a bit, but I knew that was a bad idea. We did not need to move our intimacy into the living area where we could easily be discovered. It was unlikely that Mom would come out of her room again tonight, but it could happen. No, I needed to remain in the recliner away from this temptation on the couch.I decided to retire about eleven o’clock. I stood up and gave Gary a kiss on the forehead before heading upstairs. “Good night Gary.”“Liz, thank you for today. It was wonderful,” Gary said as I started to leave the room. “I love you; you know that, right?”“Yes, I know you do. And I love you too. We should not have let today happen; but we did. I don’t know what we should do going forward. It is wrong to continue like we have been. But I do not know if I can stop. I know we should stop; I just don’t know if I can,” I reflected both to Gary as well as to myself as I stood there.“Why should we stop? Who are we hurting?” Gary was trying to ward off my thoughts that we needed to end this intimacy.“I guess most people would say that we are hurting ourselves,” I responded honestly.“Bull shit,” Gary answered with passion. “I have not felt this good about myself since before Dad died. In fact, for the first time in nearly six months I do not want to go out tonight and get stoned or drunk. I wanted to stay in. I really just wanted to be near you.”“Thank you for saying that, but what we did is still wrong.”“How can something that makes me want to quit smoking weed and stop drinking be wrong? For the first time in six months I am thinking about getting my grades up.” I felt like Gary seemed a little fearful that I was coming to my senses.“Gary, that is wonderful. I worry about you and Escort Bayrampaşa where you have been heading lately.”“Liz, I think I can straighten myself up if you help me. But I know I won’t do it if you decide to end what we have. I know I will just slide right back down…” The emotional blackmail was not lost on me. But there were two reasons I did not challenge Gary’s thinly veiled threat. First, I knew Gary was telling the truth. If I ended the intimacies, Gary would slide back into his abyss. Second, I really wanted an excuse to continue.“I understand what you are saying, Gary. But you need to do the right things for you because of you, not because of me. But I do understand.” I needed time to think, and I was tired. “Gary, I am going to bed. I have not decided to end this. I don’t know if I could, even if I tried. I enjoyed today as much as you did. We’ll talk more later. Get some sleep yourself. Goodnight.”I went to my room and climbed into bed, my mind racing in all directions. But rather than feeling sexually satisfied by the discoveries I had made today and the orgasms that accompanied those ‘discoveries’, I was excited and I remained slightly aroused. Yes, I was ‘guilt ridden’, and I was overcome with shame for having succumbed to the temptation of becoming intimate with my only sibling; but I could not keep my mind from wandering right back to the tremendously exciting memory of my first ever encounter with a penis. The wonder of its magnificent function aroused me as I lay there in bed. I simply could not get the image of Gary’s large and rigid erection out of my mind, as I recalled in detail how it looked, smelled and tasted when he ejaculated. Yes, those memories had me in a perpetual state of semi-arousal; shame and guilt notwithstanding.As I lay in my bed, unconsciously, my hand moved to my vagina, gently stroking my clitoris on the outside of my panties. I was not really masturbating. I was just ‘saying hello’ to myself. I was not touching myself with any intention of achieving an orgasm.Nonetheless, Beşiktaş escort I recognized that I felt slightly different. I was somewhat aroused even before I started touching myself. My clitoris felt slightly larger, firmer and more pronounced. And it was definitely more sensitive. I brought my hand inside my panties and touched my erect clit directly with my fingers. I made little circles with my middle and index finger on my clit and felt my lubrication dampening my panties as I lay there. It felt good; but still I was not being driven by achieving an orgasm; I was just enjoying the warmth of my arousal and relaxing.In an aroused state, the thoughts of Gary and his wonderful penis were stimulating, and I was not dwelling on the guilt and shame of my inappropriate actions of the day.Suddenly, without a warning or knock, my bedroom door cracked open. The light from the hallway illuminated my darkened room. “Liz, can I come in?” Gary entered quietly without waiting for an invitation, closing the door behind him. The room was again pitch black. I quickly withdrew my hand from my damp panties. “Gary, what are you doing?”“I just want to be with you for a while. I don’t want to be alone right now.” He said as he sat on my bed.“We can’t be doing this. We are going to get caught,” I protested.“By whom? I can hear Mom snoring downstairs through her bedroom door. She is ‘down for the count’. I just want to hold you for a little bit.” He laid down next to me on top of the covers.I knew I should make him leave, but I too, wanted to be held right then. I wanted to feel the closeness of another person, someone I loved and who loved me. I remained silent; neither agreeing to having him stay nor insisting that he leave.I rolled over on my side in silence, putting my back to Gary. Gary got up momentarily and lifted the covers and climbed back in bed under the covers with me, pressing himself against my back as his placed his arm around me. He was in a ‘spooning position’. I liked this cuddling position.It is important for the reader to understand, while there was a very definite ‘physical and sexual’ component of what Gary and I were experiencing; it was far more than that. There was a deep emotional connection that bound us together. What Gary and I were doing, and had been doing, was every bit as much about emotional need and love as it was raw sexual exchange.