I know it’s morning before I open my eyes.
Sunlight pours from the shutters of my window and onto my face. I bask in the warmth, feeling happy and content.
And then I remember why I’m feeling happy and content.
My eyes snap open.
Did I have the best wet dream ever? Or did I really have oral sex with my stepfather last night?
I quickly get my answer when I feel the evidence against my damp tights and his scent all over my sheets. I had oral sex with Drew. My stepfather. The person I trust most in the world.
A wave of mixed emotions hits me like a tidal wave.
Guilt is what hits me the hardest, no matter how cold my relationship with my mother is, I would never want to hurt her like that. Nervousness follows the guilt, the not knowing what, if anything, is going to happen to my relationship with Drew. And fear over losing him. Which sparks the hope that maybe it would be the opposite of losing him, that this thing between us would have a happy ending and everyone would end up getting what they wanted. But then it turns into confusion, because then I remember the way he looked after we were finished, the sadness in his eyes was so tangible I could practically feel it.
This whole thing feels like a big fat salad made of barely edible ingredients, and suddenly everything is too hard to swallow.
I’m parched all of a sudden. I get off my bed and run to the bathroom. I fill the glass on my sink to the brim and gulp it down. My hands start shaking, and all I can think is I can’t lose him, I can’t lose him, I can’t lose him…
I take a few deep breaths and realize it’s too early to start panicking now. I should go talk to Drew first, see how he feels about this, and then I can decide if it’s worth hyperventilating over. I sigh, and start taking off my clothes, going about my morning routine like any other day.
I take my morning shower, swallowing my vitamins on my way to go to pick my outfit. Not too sexy, but not too casual either. Something that gives Drew the impression that although having sex with me was a big mistake, it was also the best mistake he’s ever made.
I settle on a short black sundress with flowers on it, and an off white cardigan over it, the prefect combination of sexy and cute.
I wear my hair down, and apply the tiniest amount of makeup not wanting to overdo it.
When I’m finished I head over to the kitchen, on the outside seeming gloriously casual, while all on the inside four monkeys are doing the Mambo, and thoroughly enjoying it let me tell you.
I sigh in relief when I realize my mother is the only one there. She’s stunning as ever, in her elegant pantsuit that looks like it cost more than a kidney. It probably did.
Her blonde hair is pinned back in a tight bun and her blue eyes fixed on the folder in front of her, probably her current case.
She clutches the coffee mug in front of her and takes a sip, “Morning, Cadence.” she says, not looking up from her work.
“Morning mom.” I answer, going over to the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the whole city.
Living in one of New York’s highest skyscrapers is not a hardship. This has been part of my morning ritual for years now, going over to the window and appreciating everything I have and being grateful for it. It’s always been important for Drew to teach me that I shouldn’t take anything for granted. That every moment is fleeting and that I should appreciate what I have before it’s too late.
It also helped me put everything into perspective, looking at how big and beautiful the world is made my problems seem blissfully small.
I felt rather then heard Drew coming into the room. He’s always had this strong influence on people when he walked into a room, like everyone should stop what they’re doing and stare at him. I like that, I think it’s sexy. But unfortunately so did every female friend I’ve ever had over.
“Good morning.” he says, coming over to me and kissing the side of my head, just like he always does.
My heart almost explodes with relief when he does this, and it feels like I’ve just taken my first breath since last night.
“Morning.” my mother mutters.
I walk over to the cabinets and take out two bowls. He grabs the milk as I grab the cheerios. I start pouring them into the bowls as he slices half a banana into each one. Everything is so totally normal that I start thinking last night was all a figment of my wild imagination.
I sit on the island dining table and he follows suit, sitting on the chair across from me beside my mother. He hands me a spoon and when our fingers touch, our gazes meet. Something in the heat in his eyes wipes out any doubt I had in my head about last night.
I quickly look away and hunch down in my seat, feeling hot and confused.
“Elbows off the table Cadence. You’re not five anymore.” my mother says. And I blink at her in surprise. I forgot she was there for a second.
She looks up when she notices I haven’t given her my usual snarky Zeytinburnu Escort reply. And then she looks down at my outfit, “What are you wearing Cadence? Are you going to school or a hooters job interview?” she asks. My jaw drops.
“What are you talking about mom? This outfit is cute, every girl wears clothes like these!” I say, trying to keep my voice down.
“Well, you’re not every girl. Your boobs are practically hanging out and your legs are leaving nothing to the imagination. Is this what you call fashion?” she replies, sipping her coffee in a calm manner as if nothing fazes her.
I, meanwhile, am fantasizing about jumping over the table and strangling her.
I admit my breasts are bigger than average but the dress is fairly modest and comes down to mid thigh.
Drew must be able to read the violent thoughts going through my head because he says, “Genevieve ,I think you’re overreacting a little bit. She’s eighteen, she’s old enough to have her own fashion style, even if it doesn’t always agree with yours.”
“She may have her own fashion style, Andrew, as long as it doesn’t make her look cheap. And this outfit does. I say we burn it and go buy new clothes. How about that Cadence? We can make Saturday a girl’s day out and go shopping.” She says, clearly attempting to lighten the mood.
I try not to gape at her. Her ability to sound so cool and condescending always manages to amaze me.
The thing is, she knows I’m not free on Saturday. Today, Wednesday, is the only day I don’t have practice after school. Saturday’s and Sunday’s are my busiest days of the week because I start practice early and finish late. But my mother just wants it to look like she’s trying. So that when I complain about not having her around, she blames it on me, and my busy schedule.
“I can’t. I have practice with Mireille.” I say, deciding not to snap at her.
She nods, “Alright then, we’ll have to reschedule. I might be free on Sun—” she stops talking abruptly, gasping dramatically, “Cadence Ramona Madsen. What in god’s name are you eating? “She asks.
Here we go.
“Do you have any idea how many calories are in this? What would Mireille say? Just the other day she asked me if you’re consistent with your diet, you want me to lie to her the next time she asks? I won’t be put in that situation Cadence!” she snaps.
I roll my eyes. “Mom, relax, this is the only day I stray off my diet, otherwise I follow it religiously.” I say, looking at my bowl, and then I can’t help but add, “and don’t worry about the calories, I’ll burn them off right along with my clothes.”
I hear a snort from across the table and I’m pretty sure my mother isn’t the culprit but I don’t dare look up, afraid I won’t be able to rein in my laughter.
“I can’t see how you find this funny Cadence, your eating habits may ruin your career. And you,” she looks at Drew, “shouldn’t encourage her.”
Drew looks like he’s about to say something but her phone starts ringing. “I have to take this” she says, “Cadence, get up. I don’t want to be late”
I shoot Drew a desperate look that says ‘we need to talk’.
His face is troubled when he mouths ‘Later’.
I sigh, and then nod. I go to my room to get my bag and then follow my mom to the elevators. But before I shut the door, I look behind me to find Drew sitting in the same spot at the kitchen island with his face down, hands clutching his hair. I’ve never seen him so torn up about something, and it kills me to know that I’m the reason for his pain.
I click the door shut, resisting the urge to run to him, to hold and comfort him.
My school day goes by in a daze; I sit though my classes like a damn zombie, not able to focus on anything. And when Erin starts talking to me at the school entrance at the end of the day, I barely notice her.
Now, after almost thirty minutes of waiting, I look down at his text.
‘I’m here’ that’s all the text says. I look around for his car. I immediately spot his black Audi among the crowd of cars.
I walk over to it. My legs feel like they’re being dragged through quicksand, but somehow I manage to get there.
I take a deep breath, as I find the handle of his car door, and pull it.
“Hey” I say.
“Hey” he replies.
I settle in my seat and buckle up as he backs out of the parking lot.
Ten minutes go by and it’s quiet and awkward.
It’s never been quiet and awkward.
“So,” I break the silence, “are we gonna talk? or what?”
He takes a deep breath, “It was a mistake,” he says quickly, “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done it, we shouldn’t have…” he trails off, “and I’m so sorry Cadence. I can’t let this happen again. I’m the adult dammit, I should’ve fucking stopped it. I don’t know how I allow-”
“Stop. Please, stop talking” I cut him off. Can’t he see that every word that comes out of his mouth is like a knife to my gut? “I was there, Drew. I was a part of it just as much as you were, maybe even more. So Zeytinburnu Escort Bayan don’t beat yourself up about it. I just didn’t think you’d be this disgusted by it” I say sharply.
“Disgusted by it?” he echoes, “I’m not fucking disgusted by it, how can you think that? It was one of the most am—” he cuts off abruptly,”well it doesn’t matter what it was. I screwed up, and it won’t happen again.”
“No, tell me. What were you about to say?” I ask angrily. He clutches the steering wheel so hard his knuckles go white, but he doesn’t respond. “What were you about to say, Drew?”I ask again, quieter this time. “were you…do you regret it?” I whisper.
He’s quiet for so long that I don’t think he’s going answer me. But just as we pull over in front of our building, he kills the engine and faces me.”No. I don’t regret it.” he says with conviction, “I don’t know what kind of man that makes me, but I don’t regret it.”
I nod, not knowing what to say. I’m so confused. How can he say that it was a mistake when he doesn’t regret it?
“I know what you’re thinking. I still think it was a mistake Cadence.” He says, “but I don’t regret it. Sometimes, you get a taste of something you want but you can’t have. And it tastes so fucking sweet,” he whispers, “So you cherish it, you commit it to memory. Because you know you won’t get to taste it again.” he touches my cheek with the palm of his hand. “That’s you, baby. You’re the one thing that I want but absolutely can’t have. But I’m grateful for you, and I’m even more grateful that I got to have you. All of you” he says, and then pulls away and stares ahead. “So no, I don’t regret it”
I nod, mostly to myself because he’s not looking at me. If his answer was supposed to make me feel any better then it doesn’t work. All it does is confuse me even more. “So where does this leave us? Are we just gonna pretend it didn’t happen?” I ask.
“Yes, that’s what we have to do” he answers.
Hurt surges up my throat when I notice Oscar, the vallet, glancing at us every few seconds, no doubt waiting for me to get out so he can open the door for me. I sigh, “Let’s go up. I desperately want to change my clothes. And we can talk about this in private over hot chocolate.”I say
He smiles slightly,”Sounds tempting but I can’t, I’m leaving in three hours.”
I frown, “What do you mean you’re leaving?” I ask, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.
“I have a business meeting in L.A. tomorrow. I told you about it last week, Cady” he laughs at my clueless expression. “I’ll be back on Friday for Charlie’s birthday party”
“Okay fine. But this isn’t over, we have to talk about this, mister. We can’t leave it like this” I say.
He chuckles. “I agree.”
I nod as I grab my bag from under my seat and sling it over my shoulder. I face him and manage a grin. “Don’t miss me too much” I joke.
He laughs a little and cups my cheeks, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead that makes me clench my thighs. “No promises.” he whispers as he let’s go of me.
Fuck. He can’t say stuff like that and expect me not to want to kiss the hell out of him. I look down at my lap. “Goodbye, Drew”
It physically hurts to get out of the car, but somehow I manage it.
Two hours later I find myself sulking around the house not knowing what to do. I’m so used to being in school or practice that on the days I’m actually free I don’t know what to do with myself.
I plop down on the couch in the living room and turn on the tv, lying down on my stomach and flipping through the channels. I finally settle on my favorite channel. I must’ve done something truely terrible to deserve this, because Scandal is on. The ultimate show about forbidden love. I groan but keep watching because torture and all, It’s still one of my favorite shows. Fitz and Olivia have the most epic love story. Jake is a cute guy and all, but come on, you could start a forest fire with the sparks between Olivia and Fitz.
Even though I’m all caught up, I watch the epsiode. I love re-watching this show because there are so many details that I learn something new each time. I’m so engrossed in the episode that when the phone sex scene comes up, it catches me off guard.
I never noticed before, but when Fitz starts talking in that low sultry voice, his voice kind of sounds like Drew’s. This scene left me a little hot and bothered the first time I watched it, as I’m sure it did half the population. But now that I’ve made the comparison to Drew, I can’t get it out of my head. It takes me back to last night. The words he whispered against my skin.
I can feel my pussy getting wet. I grind it against the couch, and when my clit grazes over the edge of a pillow I was too lazy to remove earlier, I moan.
I’m not worried about my mom walking in on me, she has a bookclub meeting until nine.
I grind my hips against the pillow again. “Ungh,” the friction feels amazing. I slide my hand down to my breast and kneed Escort Zeytinburnu it. Remembering how Drew did the same thing to me yesterday, his breath against my neck, his voice sexy and raspy as he tells me about the first time he came to the thought of me.
My thrusts on the pillow quicken, but something is missing, this weird feeling of emptiness between my legs. I lift my hips long enough to slide my sweatpants and panties to the floor and then come back down. “Oh fuck” I moan, the feeling of being bare against the pillow is even better. The edge of the pillow pokes my entrance each times I thrust and it drives me crazy as I imagine it’s Drew’s cock, probing and teasing me.
“Did you know, that for the past few months I’ve only been able to come while thinking about you?”
I grind even harder and clench my pussy, trying to prolong the euphoric feeling between my legs for as long as possible. “OH god”
“You’re the only thing that made me hard, and the only thing that got me off.”
I instert two fingers inside my pussy without thinking. I’ve never masterbated like that, I usually just get off of rubbing my clit. Yesterday was the first time I’ve ever even had fingers inside me.
Did I mention that I’m stupid?
“Jesus fucking christ” I moan loudly, almost yelling. It’s not as good as it was with Drew, but it’s really fucking close.
“I wanted to kick everyone out, pull my cock out and take you right there.”
“Fuck ” I rasp out. Wanting him, needing him to be here. I thrust my fingers in. Slowly at first. Careful not to break my hymn and ruin my impending orgasm. I heard it hurts for most girls, and that after it breaks it takes a while for a girl to get used to it and have an orgasm.
“I knew it was wrong, so wrong. But I went to the bathroom and stroked myself.”
I quicken my pace. “Oh God, I’m so horny for you” I whisper. I’ve never been this wet before. I wonder what he’d do if he saw me like this. Would he take me like he wanted to on my birthday? Or would he walk away like he did today?
I lower my other hand to my clit. I flick the nub with my thumb, pressing and releasing like he did to me yesterday. I’m so close.
“It took three strokes and I was blowing the hardest and biggest load of my life until tonight, calling out your name.”
I press my thumb to my clit one last time, my fingers thrusting in as deep as they could go. And then I go off like fireworks. My vision blurs, and it’s the best self-induced orgasm I’ve ever had.
“Oh my fucking god, Drew” my body shudders so hard I have to grab onto the couch so as not to fall.
I pant loudly as my orgasm subsides. I think I’m in trouble.
I’m a bundle of nerves by the time Friday night rolls around. I’d just finished practice and I’m exhausted. The day seemed to stretch on forever, all I want to do is take a shower and sleep, preferably next to a certain someone, but sleep nonetheless.
Steven, mom’s driver, is taking me home. It’s weird not having Drew driving me home after practice. I miss the easy conversations we have on the way home. And it’s only been two days. I wonder what it’ll be like when I’m in collage, if I choose the one here, probably nothing would change, I’d see him all the time. But if I choose the one in England…
My phone dings, saving me from my thoughts. It’s a text from Drew:
‘On my way home. I’ll be there in time for Charlie’s birthday, is there anything you need for the party?’
I completely forgot about the party. I don’t even know how that’s possible since my mother and Andrea have been decorating the house and going grocery shopping for two days. My house has been a madhouse ever since yesterday morning.
‘I just finished practice, on my way home too. Mom and Andrea bought enough stuff to open up a Walmart, so that would be a no.’ I text back.
‘Good, I’ll see you soon.’
‘See you soon.’ I sigh, leaning back in my seat and looking out the window. We haven’t talked much in the two days he’s been gone. He texted a few times to check up on me, but it was all cold and superficial, nothing like the Drew I know.
My phone dings again. It’s a text from mom: ‘When will you be home? Almost everyone is here and Charlie’s on his way!’
I groan. So not in the mood for a party.
Charlie is Drew’s brother in law. He and Andrea, Drew’s sister, have been happily married for eleven years. Charlie is nice, but he tends to get distracted easily so I could never hold a conversation with him for more than five minutes.
Andrea is the complete opposite of Drew. Where Drew is quiet and reserved, she is outgoing and friendly. I love Andrea, I used to look forward to the times when she used to babysit me when Drew couldn’t make it. She’s kind and funny like her brother. And she’s always been there for me when I needed advice that only a female could provide.
She inherited their father’s hotel company after he died when she was twenty-two and Drew was sixteen, then when Drew became eighteen, half of the company’s assets went to him. They both chose to follow in their father’s footsteps by running the company with flawless cooperation. Their strengths and weaknesses compliment each other in a way that I think makes the company more successful than it would’ve been if only one of them had been running it.