My song inspiration choices:
“Never Be Like You” by Flume ft. Kai — I like the sorrowful, desperate, but hopeful attitude the song creates for me. It feels fitting for their situation.
“I Crave You” by Polarcode ft. Lauren Ruth Ward — I like the jazzy, sultry vibe as well as the possessive undertones in it.
This is part four of “I’m Your Prisoner”… Making amends
Hope you enjoy!
I sat up in bed, taking a deep breath as I let my head fall back into the headboard. My body felt sore, but this was the first time I felt totally happy about it. I glanced over seeing Damien adjusting and groaning. “You up?” I muttered and he yawned, stretching dramatically before sighing and slumping into the bed.
“Yeah I’m up,” he muttered and I pursed my lips.
“Is this the first time we’ve officially spent a night together like this?” I asked quietly and he chuckled, rolling onto his side. He propped his head up in his hand, his other arm wrapping around my waist as he kissed my ribs.
“No way it is, is it? We’ve had to have slept in the same bed back in college. At least once,” he breathed seeming incredulous. I felt my forehead wrinkling, trying to think back to all of our times together.
“I don’t think so,” I admitted and he hesitated, an eerie silence falling over us. “Um, Damien I know we,” I started and he flinched.
“Please don’t tell me you’re already regretting it all again,” he grumbled and I sighed, reaching down and putting my hand on his head as he hugged me tighter to him.
“No. No I think this is the happiest I’ve felt but,” I sighed and closed my eyes, clearing my throat. “I think there’s a lot we need to talk about. Air out the closet, so to speak?” I offered and he sighed.
“You know I’m no good at this,” he grumbled. I pinched his ear and he flinched. “Alright! Alright fine. If that’s what you think it’ll take to stay like this,” he squeezed me pointedly and I smirked.
“A relationship is a lot of effort and commitment Damien,” I teased and he scoffed. “No going off and whoring yourself around to try and make me jealous,” I mumbled bitterly and he sighed, letting me go and sitting up then.
“Geez, you’re starting heavy already,” he grumbled and I nodded.
“I need this. And I think you need it too,” I insisted and he sighed. “So I want to tell you the most painful memory I have. You tell me yours. Maybe talk about all the ways we’ve wronged each other, and then we figure out how to do better,” I continued and he chuckled weakly.
“Fuck I just want to move on to being happy,” he grumbled and I rolled my eyes. “No go on, you start. Worst memory you have of us?” he asked and I hesitated, taking a deep breath.
“Well it’s more like what made me decide I could never be with you,” I laughed once and he sighed. “And it kind of goes back all the way to the beginning I admitted sheepishly, glancing at him. He looked upset already, but didn’t stop me as he glared at his hands in his lap. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “So that first night…”
“Adryan, do you like me?” he breathed quietly. I didn’t know what to say. His eyes were so intense it was suffocating. His hand slid into mine, his fingers feeling so strong and warm between mine. I went to speak but couldn’t get anything out. Why couldn’t I deny it? Did I like him?
His eyes darted between my lips and my eyes as he pulled my arm over his shoulder. He reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him. My breath hitched, my eyes wide as his other hand grabbed the back of my head. I felt his nose touch mine, my eyes closing as I wrapped my arms around him and gave in.
Our lips brushed both of us hesitating. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. We looked at each other and then he rolled his weight into me, almost lying on top of me as his mouth crushed mine.
I clung to him, my body tingling and hot as his lips moved and molded with mine. He pressed into me his lips rolling slightly. I could feel my dick twitching, my blood burning as it rushed down between my legs. There was a fear in me that he’d judge me for getting turned on like this. But when he rubbed himself against me again I felt his dick. It was so stiff against my thigh. His leg pushed between mine as I grabbed his waist, my hands gripping his shirt.
We were both panting, my hands trembling as I slid them down to touch his skin. He gasped, his lips parting as we both froze. Our eyes locked, both of us seeming at a loss of what to do. Before we could say anything the front door slammed open and he pulled away, adjusting his shirt and pushing his hair back. He cleared his throat and wiped his face, taking a deep breath. “I think that’s my dad. I’m not sure you should stay longer. At least not while he’s upset,” he muttered. A pang shot through my chest as a wave of disappointment washed over me.
“Oh, right, uh, ok?” I pushed up and cleared my throat, kıbrıs escort bending down to slide my feet into my shoes. I glanced at him as I went to the door. “I’ll text you?” I offered and he shrugged, his face red as he covered his mouth and leaned back against the wall. He was glaring at his window, looking angry and confused. I sighed and left.
We never talked about what happened that day. In fact every time we hung out after that he stopped touching me. Even the normal things like a hand shake, or a light hug, or the way he used to throw his arm over my shoulders. He stopped all of it. The longer this weird distance lasted between us the harder it was for me to cope with it. I wanted to talk about it, to see if he felt what I felt. But a part of me was worried that he only did that in a moment of weakness. I should be thankful that he was still my friend. Maybe it was weird for him. Maybe he just did it for me and was embarrassed or upset after.
I resolved to just put it behind us, and things got comfortable again slowly but surely. Even when we moved into our dorm room together. I was worried he’d want to change our dorming arrangements after that night. We had agreed to go to the same school and dorm together to make college more comfortable. There was a selfish part of me that was really happy he didn’t change his mind, because now he was stuck with me.
Of course I never put two and two together, realizing within the first month of moving into the dorms that this wasn’t going to be the pleasant or comfortable arrangement I had hoped for. In fact Damien, being his usual outgoing self, got invited to lots of parties once school started. So nearly every weekend he was out all night, staying out with other girls? Guys? Who knew. And soon enough he’d even bring girls or guys back to our room. I’d pretend to be asleep, and hear him messing around with them. Each time my heart would break a little bit more.
So I started to resent him. Apparently he was comfortable doing all that stuff, being with guys too! Comfortable with all of it, just not with me! That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. And it wasn’t until a Friday before midterms, he was getting ready for another party when I glared at my books and took a deep breath.
“We have midterms, so don’t bring anymore of your nasty fuck buddies back here. If you want to mess around go head! But don’t do it in front of me,” I snapped, seething as I turned my fiery gaze to him. He was holding his shirt by his chest, frozen as he looked at me with a confused pout.
“Alright geez, you’re so sensitive,” he muttered, pulling it all the way down.
“Do you have any idea how I’ve been feeling? At all?” I demanded as he sat down to put his shoes on. He sighed and dropped his hands, letting them dangle between his legs as his forehead wrinkled. He glanced at me warily and pursed his lips.
“So now you want to talk about it? After all this time,” he mumbled, looking irritated. “Look I had a moment of weakness and you just happened to be there. It meant nothing to me, I mean I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because of some weird lapse in judgment!” he raised his voice then and I flinched, clutching my hand to my chest. “So don’t have feelings for me Adryan, because I’m not going to have feelings for you. I won’t,” he insisted and I bit my lip, swallowing back my tears as I turned to my desk.
I heard him leave, pulling my legs up to my chest. Why was I so broken up over it?! It was just one kiss, one night. Everything else about our relationship was fine. We were best friends! So why was I crying like he had just devastated me, like my heart was shattered? After colleting myself and trying to study for a few hours I gave up and crawled into my bed. I was nearly asleep when the door opened.
“Adryan?” he called out and I sighed. I glanced over and saw him teeter as the door shut behind him. He stumbled into his dresser and glanced at my bed. “You up?” he asked and I hesitated.
“Yeah I’m up,” I muttered weakly. He took a deep breath and kicked his shoes off.
“I’m sorry for earlier,” he whispered as he walked toward me. My heart started racing, my eyes burning with fresh tears. I felt a tightness in my chest as I pushed up and slid back toward the wall. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh I just… I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” he insisted, sitting down on my bed then. I hugged my legs to myself and bit my lip.
“Well I can’t stop how I feel Damien,” I muttered and he sighed, rubbing his face as he slumped over. “So just, please, for my sake,” I started and he glanced at me. “Let me get over my feelings without you rubbing it in my face that you don’t like me back,” I grumbled and he scowled.
“What the hell?” he demanded and I sighed.
“Go fuck whoever you want. Go date whoever, but don’t bring them back here. At least not until I’ve moved on too. It’s probably just some stupid crush anyway. I mean kıbrıs escort bayan you were my first kiss so I guess maybe that’s what’s making me feel like this,” I admitted, hating how hot my face was as he studied me.
“Your first kiss?” he demanded quietly and I sighed, covering my face. “Adryan you’re a virgin right?” he asked then and I flinched. “Hey maybe,” he reached out and grabbed my wrists. I bit my lip, letting him pull my hands away slowly. “Um, maybe we can see if your feelings are real or not? Like just try again. Give you clarity so you can decide if you can move on or not,” he muttered quietly. He reeked of alcohol. Was this him or the booze talking?
“What if it makes them more intense?” I demanded and he hesitated, biting his lip.
“Well you promised to never leave me right?” he mumbled then and my chest tightened. “So I guess it doesn’t matter since we’ll always be together anyway. We can’t ruin our friendship as long as you keep your promise,” he insisted then, pulling me closer to him. My face fell forward, my eyes wide as my heart pounded in my chest. His lips captured mine and I whimpered, that same desire burning deep in me. It felt even better than the first time we kissed.
“Damien wait, I don’t think this is a good idea! Let me just, let me just get over you ok?” I pushed him away and he sighed.
“No it’s fine. I’ll do this for you because you’re promising to stay with me. I’ll give you whatever you want, whatever you need. Just stay my best friend, ok?” he crawled on top of me, grabbing my face and kissing me passionately. My resolve was swept away by the tidal wave of desire that consumed me. I slid my hands up under his shirt, gripping his waist as we kissed.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I demanded and he nodded, kissing me again.
“I’ll do this until you’ve moved on,” he insisted quietly. But if we kept doing this, would I ever move on or stop liking him? Before that thought could go any further for me I felt his hands reach down between us. I trembled as he pulled my briefs down, his strong hot palm gripping my shaft firmly. My body felt electrified, twitching as I moaned and panted. It felt incredible. “Do me too,” he insisted and I blushed, my hands trembling as I reached down and fumbled with his jeans. I tugged them open, pushing his briefs down enough until his dick sprung out.
“Holy shit you’re huge,” I gasped and he chuckled, grabbing my face and kissing me urgently. His tongue felt powerful as it filled my mouth. I tried to push back the angry thoughts I had about him kissing other people like this. I tried to ignore how good he was at everything because he had so much practice. I wanted to just focus on enjoying this as much as I could.
“Adryan touch me,” he panted, his voice rough. God why did that turn me on even more? I held my breath, gripping his shaft nervously. He exhaled, his hips lurching excitedly at my touch. I looked up and saw his forehead wrinkle, his lips parted slightly as he panted. “Yeah just like that,” he groaned as I stroked him.
“So sexy,” I whispered, amazed at how attractive he looked. He smirked, leaning over and gripping the back of my head. His fingers tangled into my hair, pulling my head back as his lips crushed mine. We jerked each other off, kissing passionately. Soon enough we both came, my dick aching from how violently I exploded. Glancing down I saw my shirt covered in our cum, my stomach feeling hot and wet through the fabric. I fell back into the headboard, panting as a wonderful high consumed me.
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked quietly and I hesitated.
“I’m not sure, but it was nice at least,” I admitted and he chuckled.
“Whenever you want it, just let me know. Ok?” he breathed and I sighed, nodding weakly as he pulled away and got ready for bed himself. Was this really a good idea?
“It was a terrible fucking idea. It only made things more confusing and complicated. And we got angrier with each other until our relationship got so fucked up and we couldn’t even do anything except hurt one another,” I grumbled and Damien laughed weakly.
“Well can I explain where my head was at then?” he muttered and I frowned, crossing my arms. “My parents were just starting their divorce. Everything was changing around me and I didn’t know how to keep it from falling apart. But you were the one constant. And I knew you had feelings for me, I could tell. And I didn’t want to admit it but I had feelings for you too. At that time I just,” he rubbed his face and let his head fall back. “I was stupid enough to think that if we got together, I would end up losing you eventually. That being friends was the best option so no matter what that’s what we had to be,” he shrugged and I pursed my lips.
“Yeah you are pretty stupid,” I agreed and he laughed, reaching over to pinch my nipple. I swatted his hand away, pursing my lips. “What about you? What do you want escort kıbrıs to hash out?” I muttered and he pursed his lips.
“I’m going on a date!” Adryan called out angrily, holding the door open. “And you shouldn’t stop me! You promised I could move on when I wanted to!” he slammed the door and I flinched, slumping over as I rubbed my face. It was our senior year in college and we had gotten an apartment together. Things were fine. They felt fine. But we both knew it was only on the surface. He still really liked me but pretended he didn’t, that much I could tell. But what killed me was that the more we were together, the more I wanted him all to myself.
Of course that stupid promise I made to him meant that I would never have those feelings for him. I’d never ruin our friendship. I had to let him go whenever he asked me to. What I didn’t bet on was him wanting to let this go, move on from us. I hadn’t even seen anyone else since we started doing, well, whatever it was we were doing together. But he was always trying to go on dates, trying desperately to get away from me! It hurt, it really did. Of course I couldn’t tell him that. I promised him I’d be ok, that we would be ok, that he could work on getting over me. Because I never told him I liked him. I couldn’t have, not then. But now?
“Fuck!” I threw a magazine across the room, pushing up from the couch. I was so angry my chest was burning, my shoulders heaving as I panted. “You know what, no, fuck it! We’re not supposed to like each other anyway. That was the promise we made. He’s holding up his end, I should figure out how to hold my end up too!” I pulled my phone out, walking to my room.
I changed into a nice pair of jeans and my favorite knit sweater. I pulled my jacket on, stepping into my black boots. I looked at myself in the mirror, smirking as I adjusted my hair. God if Adryan saw me like this he’d be so upset! I glanced at my phone and smiled. I took a picture of myself in the mirror and texted it to him.
Have fun on your date! Sorry I was being stupid, you’re right you can do what you want. So I’m going to try and go on a date too! How do I look?
I smirked, pleased with myself. I knew it was petty. I knew riling him up and making him jealous was dumb. But I couldn’t help it. This was the only time I got to see his true feelings for me. It was the only time I could confirm what I had hoped for, that he still liked me. No matter how hard he tried I needed to know he still wanted me, still felt that way about me. My phone chimed and I glanced at the message.
You look like a sleazy bastard who is just trying to get some ass.
“Ha!” I laughed, shaking my head as I adjusted my jacket. Maybe that’s who I wanted to be Adryan. It’s not like I could ever care about anyone else. Since the first day you walked into my life you were my everything. My best friend, the person I wanted to have by my side through the good, the bad, and the ugly. It might be selfish of me, hell people might think I’m possessive and crazy! But I didn’t care. This was his fault for making me like this, for making me this crazy over him. I bit my lip and snickered as I texted back.
There’s plenty of ass to go around. When I can’t just have yours, I’ll need to find my own. Let’s just hope it’s as nice as yours!
I sighed, slipping my phone into my pocket and heading out to the bar. My friend from the soccer club showed up, looking happy that I asked him to hang out. “Hey Damien!” he breathed and I smiled, sipping my whiskey before sighing heavily.
“Hey Terrence. Have a seat,” I gestured to the seat next to me and he sat happily, ordering a long island iced tea. I watched him drink it, admiring the way his lips and tongue pressed on the straw. Damn Adryan for holding out on me recently I was so horny. I made idle chat with him, just wanting a distraction for a bit. My phone chimed and I hesitated, pulling it out to see a message from Adryan.
Well this nice ass is trying to get some action tonight, so don’t wait up for me.
I grit my teeth, my hand clenching around my glass before I tilted my head back and chugged the rest. “You ok?” Terrence chuckled and I hesitated, sighing heavily.
“Not really. I’m a bit backed up. Haven’t had much action recently,” I admitted plainly and he chuckled.
“So many girls swoon over you, I can’t imagine you have problems,” he joked and I pursed my lips, laughing lightly as I swirled the ice around.
“Women don’t really seem to do it for me anymore,” I mumbled, glancing at him. He blushed a bit, his ears looking red too. That was cute. Looked just like Adryan’s reaction when I would tease him. I turned slightly, leaning onto my hand and reaching out stroking his ear. “Why are you blushing?” I mused and he pushed my hand away gently, looking uneasy as he turned to his drink.
“So are you, um, gay?” he asked quietly and I shrugged.
“I mean bi probably, but men seem to be my thing right now,” I breathed. One man in particular to be specific. A 5’8″ athletic pretty boy with wonderfully soft hair and a surprisingly plump ass for a man. Terrence kind of reminded me of him a bit. At least his reactions, his build. It was close enough that if I closed my eyes and touched him maybe I could fool myself…