She Owes Me Lasagna


Alright, let me tell up front: I type like I talk.

I want to tell you a story that is based on true events. Basically everything happened like I’m going to tell you except for anything illegal, which was of course was added for no reason at all. If you think the illegal parts might be true, then the living conditions and town population statistics are also true, which they are, yet also improbable. Oh, and all the names have been changed for plausible deniability incase any one of them eventually reads this. And lastly as you might have guessed from my username: I’m military and messing with married women can be held against me at work, so there’s that… now If you’re not already appalled by my typing style than on with the story!

She Owes Me Lasagna: an Ass-fucking story

It’s karaoke night at the local bar and my normal drinking buddy Frank is out of town. His wife is normally our DD and I came out anyway because I do like to sing and I hate staying home alone when I’m horny and I’ve got no current woman to help me relieve that problem.

It’s a small town as I said with more men then women, a decent population of Puerto Ricans, Mormons and Russians and Ukrainians that don’t like to be called Russian. Not your average town at all and I’m just an 40 year old Italian, recently divorced, decent sized cock “for a white guy” I’ve been told. In the divorce I got the big beautiful house which sounds good until I mention she got the apartment quadplex that we also owned.

When I showed up to the bar I wasn’t sure how long I was going to stay or how much I was going to drink or who I was going to sit with because I was just playing it all by ear because my normal drinking buddy and DD was out of town. I knew my chances of finding a single woman to dance or talk to was low. I was hoping that a coworker lesbian and her wife would be there so I at least had someone to dance with yet no luck yet. But I did see Rick so I sat with him. Why not? He’s gay and good guy. He’s offered “help me out” sexual in the past, yet I’m just not wired that way. He understands and we’re still friends, not close, yet someone to shoot the shit with at a bar.

I order a beer and think to myself: I could ask my buddies Frank’s daughter who is also Rick’s employee at the restaurant he manages for a ride home if I get too drunk. Like I said, it’s a small town, but it’s now my turn to sing. Flagpole Sitta is not something I normally sing sober but I do the best I can. As I’m signing one of the young (20-something) school teachers that used to be my tenant walks in with what look to be two other School teachers that I’d never seen. Her name is Al short for Alice and she’s from Ohio and has a boyfriend that she loves and likes when I sing Hang On Sloppy – which is the Rock Song of Ohio. I only know all that because she was living in one of my former apartments since she moved to this small town from Ohio for work and tells me it’s her favoriteevery time I sing it. Of course bumped Sloopy to the next song on my list to have a good excuse to go over and say hi.

In the course of the night I did sing Sloppy, was introduced to Al’s friend who, one was married, and the other had already met one of the young Russian men in town and I was kinda getting tired of ever so slight sexual passes Rick would make during our paused-for-my-karaoke-turn conversation. So I started drinking water so I could drive myself home.

I didn’t see her walk in yet she was at the bar ordering a tequila shot when I overheard her refer to herself as a nymphomaniac. Apparently she knew Rick and came over to our table “I Rick, is this one of your guys?” I immediately told her I was not gay. She took her shot said something like “good to know” and walked off. I asked Rick about her who she was. He told me that her name was Bambi and she owned a small auto shop in town and I should go after her.

She was shorter than I at 5’6″ carrying a little extra weight without losing the hourglass, had a good ass in blue jeans, smallish tits, long red hair and a very cute face. She looks in her late 30s with nails cut short with remnants of nail polish chipped off to the point I couldn’t tell what the color was.

I figured dancing couldn’t hurt my mood and if she had a man here with her I hoped he wouldn’t mind a dance. Most people in this town did mind people dancing with women who were taken, except the one afore mentioned lesbian couple who always go home together even after I dance it up with the shorter of the two, but they’re not here and I want to dance.

I introduced myself as Dave and asked her to dance. To my surprise she said yes, immediately asked me is I was single, told me she was also single, and told me most men couldn’t handle her in the bedroom. I told her I’d heard she was a nymphomaniac. “Where did you hear that?” She said dancing closer. “You practically yelled it at the bartender a couple minutes ago” I said.

“Oh” she paused dancing for a second, “it’s true.”

I don’t think we danced to half a song before she gets me excited by dancing close, and instead of being a little discreet about my erection while we were sikiş hikayeleri on the dance floor or [as I’ve had other women do] turned and dropped it like it was hot. She ludely grabbed my dick on the dance floor through my pants asking me if it was real. I assured her it was “all me.” She asked me something about knowing how to use it yet distracted herself with a second question of where we were going to go. I was about to tell her we could go to my place, yet she cut me off telling me she wouldn’t want to drive home after so I should follow her to her place. I paid tab and asked her if she wanted a ride. I could bring her back in the morning yet she refused rushing out the door, up into her truck and off she went. I was not drunk yet I knew three things: neither of us should have been driving, I was much better than she was on a sobriety level, and I wasn’t going to get lad if I didn’t get in my car right now.

Her driving didn’t bother me as much as the speed she was doing it. She started at 50 in a 35 then 70 in a 65 as we got out of down town, then we were going 80 in a 60 after we took the turn onto the next street. She didn’t slow until we got to the cemetery and I couldn’t help thinking about whether I would stick around or bail if she went careening into the ditch. I hadn’t made up my mind when she turned into the 2nd driveway after the cemetery and the was a small log cabin I’d been to once before.

The log cabin was small with a living room/kitchen area that I’d been in that took up two-thirds of the cabin. I had been there when I stopped at a yard sale, a year ago. And a year ago this cabin was a very different place because there was no longer junk piled everywhere outside. “I’ve been here before” I told Bambi as she jumped down from her truck.

“I rented this place out to a hoarder most of last year” she said.

“That’s the one” I said.

As we walked in through the extremely thick front (and only) door I noticed that the piles and piles of stuff in every corner of the place inside was gone as well. I could see there was a wood floor and the original log walls were natural. The low ceiling that made the place claustrophobic last time I was here – oddly fit the small cabin now.

She offered me a Flat Tire beer out of the fridge that I thankfully accepted. She poured herself a shot of tequila silver as I grabbed her ass in the kitchen and her offered me a shot as well. We took the shoots and she grabbed herself a Flat Tire and adjourned to the small couch which was the living room’s only seating.

She told me how she helped build this cabin when she as about 6 years old and just moved back in this year. “It looks very nice. Much better now that it’s no longer a cluttered mess” I said.

I had been so ready for the beer so I wouldn’t over think the situation and it went down fast. “There’s another in the fridge but I only give you the first one, the rest are self-serve” she said. I didn’t know what else to do to move things along so I got up for another. When I had come back she set her beer down and said “hold it” I stopped mid-stride in the middle of the living room. “I need to see what you’re working with” she said as Bambi went from the couch to kneeling on the floor in front of me. In quick work my dick was free from my pants and in her hands “is it always this hard?” she asked.

“He likes you” I replied.

She seamed to like the length and asked “does he have a name? My last boyfriend named his.”

I quickly thought up a name: “José” for no particular reason. She took the newly named José into her mouth and I gently placed a hand to the back of her head. “You’re not going to cum right now are you?” she paused what she was doing to look up and ask me.

“No” I quickly replied.

“You better not”

At this point I wanted her to stop talking so I could enjoy the blow job and she was afraid that she wouldn’t get off if I exploded in her face right now. So she ended the short oral session by standing up. Slightly disappointed because I was nowhere near cumming, I stated “we need to get you naked.”

She smiled “Oh, yes sir.”

“Don’t call me sir, I work for a living.” I said as I pulled her shirt over her head and let it drop, took mine off and added it to the growing pile . She took her pants off while I was stepping out of mine. I don’t think she was wearing panties because when she backed into her bedroom (which had a curtain instead of a door) I lifted her naked onto her tall queen sized bed.

When I started to repay my admittedly small oral debt she said “I don’t need the alphabet, come up her and give me that cock.” The tequila shot must have been catching me because my mind was still processing her cuntling technique reference as I sank into her hairless pussy. “Give it to me harder” she said as I started. “You’ve got a good dick” she said as I changed gears. “Yes, like that!” she said as I pushed her ankles to her ears. Then “I’ve had a hysterectomy so don’t hold back.”

To which I replied “I’ve had a vasectomy, yet I’m nowhere near finished.”

I rubbed on her clit with my thumb trying to hit her g-spot with my dick as I did. Any man with an upward curve and an unbendable erection should figure this move out because Bambi was just finding out about it herself. She shook all over as her orgasm swept through her body and she tried squeezing me out so I rapped my arms around her and held on. “Whohoo!” She exclaimed – and then looking me in the eyes “You didn’t cum.”

“No. I didn’t.” I said pulling out. “Turn over.”

“Yes Sir” was her quick reply.

“Oh now you’re asking for it. I’ve been sexual frustrated for way too long and I’m taking it out on you.” I said as I roughly entered her from behind.

Now I hadn’t had a woman since my last Florida vacation which was about a year ago not long after my divorce. I push that from my mind as I slap her ass. I tried to get her to be vocal again because I needed more stimulation. As Bambi was finding out it takes me a lot to orgasm, and I was finding out exactly how much it takes to make her orgasm. Her pussy juices were flowing and my dick was slick and not getting full stimulation.

There was no fucking way I was failing to get mine due to whiskey-dick so I was keeping myself hard by rubbing the head of my dick up and down her pussy from clit to asshole.

Well that must have got her thinking because she said “Uhhhh, I bet you’d feel good in my ass.”

My dick got harder as I replied “Don’t play, or you will get this dick in your ass.”

“I don’t know” she said.

“Do you have any lube?” I asked.

“There might be a little on the nightstand.” She moaned.

“I won’t need much” I said as I searched the nightstand.

“You better be careful ” she warned.

“I’m experienced, yet you should relax” I say as I add a dollop of lube to the head of my dick.

She might have said something about going easy yet it wasn’t long after I pop my fat mushroom head inside her asshole.

You know that ‘hold still time where you let her get used to it? Well in half the time I was prepared to wait she was pushing back.

“Alriiight” she moaned deeply “give it to me.” as she backed up onto my dick.

I started to fuck her ass as I thought to myself what a good decision it was to follow her home. When she exclaimed “Oh – Yeah!” I changed gears to fuck her with more vigor. Faster and harder I’m pumping my cock in her ass while exhalations become muffled. I notice she’s being pushed against her solid wood headboard so I pull back on her hips. When that doesn’t work I pull out and slap her ass “back up”. She scooches back as her gapping ass closes quickly from her movements.

“You’ve got a nice ass” I told her.

“You’ve got a nice dick” she replied.

Then I put that dick back into her tight ass and she’s pushing back on me again. Which of course is the only green light I need at this point, so I fuck her with renewed vigor. I think I might have slapped her ass again, yet before I know it I’m once again pushing her forward. She’s still telling me “Yes! – Give it to me! – Yes!” as I pound hard she’s falling forward so I just go with it.

I push her down flat with my dick still buried deep in her ass. With my knees on the outside of hers I pull her feet apart with mine. I grab her wrists in each of my hands and I fuck her for all that she’s worth. “Holy shit!” was all she said as I rocketed cum deep into her bowels!

As I remove myself from her And grab a hand towel from somewhere and wipe most of the moisture from both of us.

she says “I’m going to feel that in the morning.” As I cover her with a blanket, and as I cover myself next to her, I think she’s probably right.

• • •

There’s what sounded like gun shots outside that woke me up, but as I lay still listening they don’t go off again. I figure I might as well take a piss when I eye the 4am on my phone. I go out her very thick and noticeably unlocked door to see if I could see anything.

I didn’t see or hear anything amiss as I stood naked in her front yard. So I pissed on a tree and thought to myself about marking territory. I half looked at this incredibly thick front door on this small cabin and don’t see an obvious lock of any kind. ‘Eh, she didn’t lock it before – it’ll be fine.’

• • •

At 6am there was an obvious knock at the door.

I shook Bambi and told her “You’ve got company” yet she was groggy at best.

I got out of bed and went for my pants at the foot of the bed. The insufficient curtin was open as the banging at the door pops it ajar and it opens before I could pull on my pants.

“Who the fuck are you?” The man at the door asks while holding a 45 pistol in his right hand.

“I’m Dave.” I said

Then he leans to the right to see Bambi who is now in the seated position in bed. “Who the fuck is this?”

“What would you like to know?” I asked the armed Man while standing my ground in the nude.

In response to my question or possibly my shear presence he cocked the pistol still holding down at his side and says “You need to leave.” He then turns and leaves doing his best to slam that gigantic door.

It didn’t really slam, yet I don’t think slamming the door was necessary to get his point across. That door was a foot thick, no exaggeration. I did believe he was serious though, so I got dressed and told Bambi I’d be back later in the day.

• • •

Later that day around one I drove back to the little cabin in the woods and I was greeted outside by a gentleman I’d never seen “are you Bambi’s friend from last night?”

I said “yes” and he was jovial, going on and on about how Bambi is recovering from last night and his name was Joe and how he had come over to protect her from her crazy ex: Chuck.

“Did Chuck point a gun at you?” Joe asked.

“No, yet he made sure I saw it” I replied.

“Oh, because Bambi said he racked the gun in the house.” He went on.

“Yes, that he did, yet he didn’t point it at me.” I said “Can I see her?”

He showed me into Bambi’s cabin which was not any bigger in the day time. She was in bed “you must have really fucked my ass last night.” She said immediately.

“She’s been telling me her ass is sore all morning” Joe interrupted.

“Would you get the fuck out of here and let us talk? I called you so I wouldn’t be alone, not so you could watch porn in my living room all morning!” she raised her voice.

“Okay – okay!” Joe threw up his hands and walked outside.

“You must have had a nice time though” Bambi said turning to me. “My ass is sore. I apologize about Chuck, he’s an Asshole. Remind me what your name is again?”

I was kinda panicked in my head “Dave, I’m Dave.”

“I just forgot” she paused “and I asked for that Ass-fucking last night?”

I was definitely panicked now “Yes. You gave me your lube and you repeatedly said yes-yes-yes as I was fucking you.”

“Well. We’ll have to do that again because I don’t remember much.” She said as my panic attack subsided.

“Well.” I started “I’ve kinda got a class out of town to attend for work. I’ll be gone all week until Friday. I was hoping to get your number to stay in contact until then.”

“Good. It will take me that long to recover. You’ve got a monster down there.” She motioned at my crotch.

“Sorry.” I said a little sheepishly.

“It was not unwanted” She assured me. “I’m sure I was asking for it, just my lower half will be out of order for a while.”

“Oh so your mouth will be available?” I retort.

“I thought you were leaving for a week?” she cooked her head at me.

“I’m not leaving until tomorrow night” I said. “the class doesn’t start until Monday.”

“We’ll see” She said. “I’m in charge at work – I don’t want to be in charge in the bedroom.”

So at that we exchanged numbers and I let her rest for the day.

• • •

The next day was Sunday and I went by to see her. She told me that Sunday was normally her do-nothing-day which sounded good to me. We sat on the solitary couch talking about family and books and things. She had some really old books, on an antique bookshelf. Some of them I noted as valuable some I didn’t recognize yet she seemed to like them.

We also talked about sex. About how my last sexcapade attempt was a weekend away turning a long-time friend’s shopping trip weekend to a sex trip called “S4” (shopping, sushi, sex & sleep), yet it turned out that my long-time friend was a dead fish in the sack.

We also talked about how if I could handle her she would be my little cum slut and liked to fulfill sexual fantasies.

Well we got kissing and fondling on the couch there got my dick hard again… and Bambi announced “I said I was out of order.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” I said unzipping my pants.

“Nope” she said, “he was too rough with me last time.”

Taking my dick out of my underwear I said “Just look at it. He’s just so hard.”

“Oh he’s hard alright.” She grabbed it firmly to verify it’s hardness, “he’s the one that beat me up.” She said as she let got of my dick.

“Now wait” I grabbed her shoulders lightly for attention. “We talked about this. You want to be my cum slut because I’ve got a good dick. Those are your words. I understand that you’re sore right now and I won’t ever hurt you, but if you don’t suck this dick you will get face fucked.”

Bambi then took a breath and closed her mouth up tight doing her best impression of a kid’s face after telling someone I won’t eat those vegetables.

This, I realize with hindsight was a test and I almost failed it because of Army training and generally trying to be a gentleman. If she had said ‘no’ I would have stopped test or not. Thankfully for us she never said the ‘N’ word.

I pushed her down on her back on the couch pushing my dick in her mouth and started fucking her mouth. Knowing that I would only get her mouth I closed my eyes and concentrated on how her mouth after her initial mock-resistance opened hungrily accepting my girth if not length. I could feel the head of my dick hitting the back of her throat and my upward curving erection would never bend down. I didn’t hold back at all my holding her hand tightly in my hands the only warring as I rocketed cum into her mouth. It spilled out of her mouth everywhere so I let off my assault, but to Bambi’s credit she sat up as I lifted myself from her just encircling the head of my dick as I continued to cum.

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